Work or Home

Aeson's been doing better & better in his own bed! He nurses and then is actually perfectly fine with being put in his bed, and he falls asleep without any fussing. He's been sleeping about 5 hours in it. Last night I had class, and Eric said he thought he was missing me a lot. He brought out a picture of me and Eric and kept saying "mama, mama." He'd fallen asleep by the time I got out of class but woke up when I got here, and even though he went to his bed without any problems, he soon heard a "choo choo" and decided he wanted to be by momma... So we let him sleep with us, and he still slept really well. The back and forth doesn't seem to bother him.. He's fine with whatever! A couple of weeks ago, he started saying "thank you" every time we gave him anything. I thought that was so cool, because it's a perfect example of learning by observation. Saying thank you was not something we told him to do or asked if he could say.. It was just something he picked up from hearing all of us say it! I love the ages both my boys are at right now. I wish it could last longer than it will! Eric and I took Westen to Hop last weekend while Aeson stayed with Eric's parents. It was a really cute movie, and Westen loved going. We had kindergarten registration for him last week. I can't believe it's almost time for him to start school. I have lots of mixed feelings about it! After going to the registration, we really had our doubts... I absolutely love the private school he's attending now, but the price is just outrageous after preschool. It would be doable for one kid, I suppose... but multiple ones? No way! There's no help or any way to get it lower either unless you're a member of the church, which I understand. I was pretty upset for a couple of days, but I think I've arrived at the conclusion that he'll just have to go to the public school and if we have any issues, I won't hesitate at all to homeschool him or figure out some other option. I have had such a hard time with the work/home dilemma lately. I wish our world was different! I know not everyone agrees with me and some people have to do what they have to do, so let me get that out before I go any further! For me, however, I truly believe that if you have children, you are to raise them. I don't want someone else basically raising them. To leave infants, even children, in someone else's care ALL day is too long. I absolutely don't mean this offensively to anyone who does work.. but it's just not right for me. I think my children are my responsibility, and I WANT them to be. I want to be there every time they cry.. I want to teach them all I know.. I want them to be safe and secure. However, then things like this kindergarten ordeal come up.... If I were working, we could afford the private school. I know things like this will continue to come up in the future too. It's so hard to know what the 'right' thing to do is. I enjoy working.. I got an education TO work.. I'm still going to school with thoughts of working in the future... BUT.. Being a mother is the most important job to me. It's really all I care about and the most important thing I'll look back on. So, I've thought that I would stay home or just work part-time with Eric or my sister watching the kids until I'm done having children and they're in school.. and THEN I'll go back to 'real' work.. But I'm afraid it will be hard then too. I'm sure my kids will be involved in so much, and I'll want to be home when they get there, etc, etc. It's so freaking hard to find any balance! Hopefully some option will come up that will work for us. Otherwise, I think I'm going to have to just be content with what we have and what we can provide, knowing that I'm doing the best thing possible for me and for them by staying home. Or I think so anyway! I hope they do too.