All over the place

There are always so many things to write about, and I rarely find the time to actually write!

It is winter here. Dead winter. I hate it! This winter has seemed to drag on forever and we have had more snow than I think we have ever had. There's been a snow day practically every week since I started the home daycare. I'm MORE than ready for spring-time and summer! I can't wait to smell the freshness of outdoors and be able to go outside to play. I think we're going to try a garden this year too, so I'm excited about that.

I am, however, SO thankful for all the time I'm getting with my kiddos. You really have no idea how much you miss out on until you're home with them. That's the plus side. The negative side is.. I can't wait to get back into school or SOMETHING! This waking up thinking of what I need to clean and do around the house thing is not quite for me. I like doing it.. I love having the time to have a clean house.. and I will never again work outside the home until my kids are in school.. but I NEED something more. Something that stimulates my brain.. makes me think.. challenges me. I've been thinking of picking up new hobbies too.

My anxiety (or that's what I'm calling it anyway) is getting irritating! I just talked to my mom for quite a while about it and hers started this way too. I have thoughts pop into my head almost constantly about bad things happening. There was one primary thing after Westen was born that I worried about ALL the time, but that was it. Since Aeson, it happens ALL the time. I almost envision.. without seeing if that makes sense.. horrible things happening. Like I'll be driving and I'll imagine myself in a crash. Or Westen will be playing near Aeson and I'll imagine him falling on him, hurting him seriously. It's not that I WANT these things to happen.. I would DIE if they ever did. And that's what I think it comes from. I think they're my greatest fears because I have so much now that is SO dear to me. I also know how quickly it can all be over.

I was saddened this week by reading two blog posts. First, I read the beautiful story of a mom having a Down's Syndrome baby and not knowing it until she first saw her. It was beautifully written and reminded me that I am not the only one whose 'plan' changed.. who things happened differently than expected for.. and, of course, it made me feel lucky. Later this week, I read about a childhood case of cancer. That one hit home the most with me, as Aeson is at a much higher risk of developing cancer than average children. It makes me so, so sad for that family and for that little girl. I can't even begin to imagine and I tear up every time I think of it. I've been praying hard for them. This too makes me SO thankful that Aeson's monitoring continues to come back normal. He, in fact, had a sonogram earlier this week and it came back just fine. Thank you God.

So sorry to be all over the place! That's what happens when you don't write regularly!

Bentley

I'm an aunt again! This time it was my only sister, who happens to be one of my best friends! She went in Monday afternoon for her appointment and they found out her blood pressure was really high. My sister is one of the healthiest people I know and has had NO problems throughout the pregnancy.. so it was a complete surprise. There was also protein in her urine, so they thought it was the signs of pre-eclampsia and sent her over for bloodwork and to be monitored. That didn't come back the way they'd like, so they decided to induce her. She was due this coming Saturday anyway and already dilated to a 2. I rushed to the hospital and spent time with her. The minute I left to run home and feed my baby (he's refusing bottles now that I've been home with him!), the doctor came in to check her. She was a 3 and her water broke when he did, but they no longer thought he was head down. Did a sono and it was confirmed that he was breech. They pretty much immediately prepped her for a C-section and I got there in time to give them both my love before they went off to the OR. Minutes later (10:09 p.m.), Bentley Edward was born! We saw him wheeled back by and I quickly snapped my first pictures! We got to see him through the nursery glass after that and Eddie came out to tell us he weighed 8lbs, 1oz and was 20 inches long. We got to see my sister once she got out of recovery, and I got home around midnight. Luckily both babysitting moms were perfectly fine with finding alternative care for the following day. (I hadn't known when I got ahold of them how long Chelsea's labor would be and figured it would be sometime in the middle of the night) Anyway, he is absolutely perfect! Chelsea's blood pressure has remained somewhat elevated but not too bad and not constantly. Bentley has LOTS of hair. I've gotten to hold him every day so far. They get to go home tomorrow, so that will be nice for them! I can't wait to see him in the surroundings that are all made up just for him!

It's so weird seeing my sister as a mother too. Not weird, I guess, just different! It didn't seem like it was that big of a change when I had my own children but it seems like a HUGE change to me that now she has a child!

She's been talking for some time about moving four hours away. I hate it. Can't even stand the thought of it! It's where her husband's family is, but we just spend SO much time with the two (now three!) of them that I can't even imagine. It makes me so sad!

Cards

I have a question for all you bloggy friends... What do you do with cards?? I have received SUCH nice ones over the years.. and so have my kids.. and I cannot bring myself to throw them away; however, saving all of them is getting a bit ridiculous! Any ideas??

6 months, Preschool enrollment, Local shooting

Well, after posting how much better the daycare was going, last week and this week so far (it's only Monday?! Waaaah) have been back to the beginning! Acey got an ear infection (:( poor, poor him) and the other baby has been more fussy too.. I don't know what the heck is going on! It is STRESSFUL, though, let me tell you! I'm fine around the kids and dealing with them, but it's making me grouchy all the time otherwise. Boo. :(

After Aeson was particularly fussy last weekend and messing with his ear (including outright punching himself in it! ..over and over again!), Eric took him to the dr first thing Monday morning. Sure enough, he had his first ear infection. What is extremely weird is that he hasn't been sick AT ALL. And no sign of teeth either. Just a very random ear infection! Today, we went back to the doctor for his 6 month checkup. He weighs 23lbs,12oz and is 28 3/4 inches long. 99th and 96th percentile. Not as big as I was expecting actually. He is SO heavy to carry around. He's also growing out of his infant seat, but he's just not ready for the bigger one yet. He can't quite sit on his own (he can for short periods of time) and if he falls asleep, we'll no longer be able to just carry him in somewhere in the carrier. Ugh. He met all the 6 month milestones, though, so I was excited about that. Especially since he's 'technically' only 5 months old. :) I was reading Westen's diary the other night and noting how different they are.. Westen LOVED to be on his tummy and was almost crawling at this point but showed NO interest in sitting, while Aeson LOVES to sit and is almost doing it on his own but HATES being on his tummy and has shown no interest in crawling!

Westen's been drawing drawing drawing and writing writing writing. He's loving puzzles and pretend and all things artsy. He's also LOVING learning. We have a new letter and number every week. Did I mention I enrolled him in preschool? I think I last left off with having trouble deciding. Well, after looking more into the schools, I just FELT that I really wanted him to go to the private Catholic school. So.. I e-mailed them and they had openings! I'm super excited about it. He'll only go 3 days a week for half a day. I haven't decided whether to do morning or afternoon yet. He's SUCH a help around here and he certainly doesn't 'need' school, but I think it will be good for him to be around other kids and even more teaching.. Yet it also makes me WAY more comfortable that it's only part-time. The regular public school goes all day every day! Yikes.

I think Eric's decided to go back to school to get another degree to teach. Both his parents were teachers, and I think he'd be wonderful. I certainly hope he does it. I also just finished the application process that I started when I was pregnant with Aeson to continue my master's degree in counseling.. only now, I think I'll work on both the community and school tracks. I would LOVE to be a school counselor and be able to work the hours my kids are in school and have summers off. It's amazing how much changes after you have kids and how they really become your life. Yet, in saying that, I know that's not exactly how it is for everyone.. or maybe it just CAN'T be that way for everyone. I don't quite understand because mine are everything to me. <3

Last week, we had a very scary event happen here. We live in a pretty small town.. We have a university here which adds a lot to it.. Still, though, it's rather small. Anyway, I got a text from a friend saying there was someone shooting at a local store, so to stay away from that area. I immediately called her to get more details and then called every member of my family to make sure they weren't there! We stayed tuned into everything all day and there were a number of rumors going around. Police came from everywhere and the SWAT team ended up sending a robot in about four hours after it started to see what the situation was. What happened was a young man (19 years old, local- not a college student) entered with an AR-15 I think it was called (I'm not up on guns :)), demanded ammo, told the people they didn't want to be around for what was going to happen, shot through the door when police arrived on scene, and then went into the store and shot himself. Needless to say, we live somewhere where something like this has NEVER happened. It was so scary. We've listened to the 911 tape since, and the staff at the store sound terrified. There was also a 3.5 year old boy hiding with his grandfather. It makes me so sad and so frightened. I can't even IMAGINE if one of us had been there. It also makes me incredibly sad for the boy and for his family. I've thought about it a lot since it happened, and I wonder what he was thinking that made him do it.. what his last thoughts were.. if he KNEW how frightened he made SO many people (nobody really knew what was going on at first other than someone was in the store shooting). The counselor in me wishes I'd had the chance to talk to him before.. convince him not to do something like that. It's so true that suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem. I also hope that our children never feel the despair that he obviously felt. His mom has spoken out and talked about him not fitting in and the horrible things he went through in school.. I too was made fun of in school and it still brings tears to my eyes.. I know how bad it feels.. but you grow up and out of that.. you find your way. Regardless, it is something that hits very close to home and something that I feel very strongly about. Something I worry about happening to my own children. Kids can be so cruel. It also makes me think about our society and how they make men think they should be a certain way.. and that guns are powerful.. etc, etc. It makes me very, very sad.