Things I want to remember!

Things that I want to remember...

As frustrating as it has been and even though words like boot camp and Super Nanny have come out, I want to remember (if not only to remind him when he has kids! lol) all the things Aeson has been up to the last couple of weeks. He's shut off my crockpot while dinner was cooking in it (I wasn't sure when or how long it was off!), took his pullup off and peed all over my comforter (after just washing it the day before!), he's colored on our floor and table with permanent marker (it was put up.. but then he found Grandma & Grandpa's and colored on their countertop!), hit his brother in the face with a toy golf club, colored on his wall (thank GOODNESS for Magic Erasers!), put tons of toilet paper (even two rolls once) in our toilet and Grandma & Grandpa's-- which he then proceeded to get out and throw away!, deliberately pour his juice on the floor, dump cereal and crackers on the floor and smash them all up with his feet, he tears all of his brother's important drawings up and off the walls where Westen has decorated with, tore the chore chart in half (after coloring all over it), the list goes on and on! I'm honestly not sure what's normal two year old, little brother behavior and what's indicative of future problematic behavior! If he's looking for more attention, it's even more difficult to give it to him because I'm then busier cleaning up all his messes! I can remember a couple of things Westen did (like climbing all the way in the toilet and dumping a shake all over himself and his car seat), but nothing ever like this. I'm not exactly sure what to do with him. His mind is busy, busy, busy!

On the other hand, he can be really super sweet. I love all of his sayings. The other day, Bentley got here and he said, "Hi Bentley! Did you get a hair cut?" It was so cute that he'd noticed! He really plays well with other kids.. he discusses sharing and taking turns with them, and you can tell he enjoys it. He's also super sweet to his sissy - has never done one bad thing to her, and the only bad thing he's said was that she's not cute when she cries! He always wants to see her, always gives her kisses and hugs, and is so concerned someone is going to take her or we're going to forget her!

For Aubryn, things I want to remember about this time.. All her rolls! How she sleeps for hours at a time in her carseat or swing, how she really never cries (she never has when being put in her car seat or going for walks or when put down at all.. so unlike Acey was!), how different she nurses (she gets the job done versus the boys who wanted to hang out all day nursing!, how she studies my face, and how she never really went through a newborn stage (she never cried constantly, couldn't focus, crossed her eyes, etc), and how much she loves outdoors.

Westen.. How the first thing he does when he gets home is sit down to draw! (and will spend hours doing so), how he throws every paper away after he makes even the slightest error, how he thinks he met the REAL Spiderman at school the other day, that church days are his favorite at school, how hot days are too much for him & he's for sure going to be my pickiest eater I'm sure!, how sensitive and caring he is, how much he interrupts me while doing homework to discuss Mario, and how much he can make Aeson & Bentley CRAZY!

As trying as this time in my life is, I know I will miss this!

Stresssssed

I don't like being an adult!

Actually, I do like it; I just don't like all the responsibility that comes with it.

I got sick this weekend - the most sick I've been in a long time. After lying in bed with Aubryn all day (and the boys destroying the house.. Eric was at work) and feeling almost delirious from my fever (I couldn't stay awake, couldn't concentrate, and was alternating between feeling like I was in a frozen body of water and burning from a fire), Eric was THANKFULLY able to come home while I ran to convenient care. I had a fever of 103 & my strep test came back positive. Eric had to go back to work right when I got home, so I was forced to get all the kids out (I didn't even trust myself driving really!) to go get my medicine fifteen minutes later. It's rough being a mom and being sick.

The medicine kicked in fairly quickly, but I really think this all came about from being too stressed and not taking care of myself. Eric's been working over 50 hours a week.. Last week, he was there two hours later than he was supposed to be not once, or twice, but THREE times. It makes it hard to plan, hard to count on him, and leaves a lot up to me. I'm having trouble finding the time or concentrating on my classes. I'm still doing well, but I'll be glad when the semester's over.

I'm mostly stressing about school in the fall, though. If things are the way they currently are, there's no way we can do it. Nursing school is extremely hard, and we keep hearing horror stories everywhere we go. The dad has to take up a lot of the responsibility and with Eric working as much as he is, I just don't see how that's going to be possible. I hear other students talking about how they were up all night studying and working, and that worries me. I'm going to breastfeed Aubryn as long as I possibly can, and there's no question about that. I'm worried about how it all will work. I want to do it, and I keep telling myself it's only four semesters, BUT I just cannot let it interfere so much that I'm not able to nurse her or have time with my family. Not to mention babysitting.. I'm so much more protective of Aubryn because she's a girl.. and Aeson hasn't been to daycare since he was four months old & does  not want to go. I absolutely do not want them in daycare, but I don't think we can get around it. Eric's boss has said he could have two weekdays off, but then when will I do my homework if he's gone the rest of the week?? It's pretty much impossible to get much done with three kids - Right now, I do it all on Eric's days off. Then Eric's mom has said she would help occasionally, but that still leave 1-2 days a week we don't have anyone.. and she lives out of town, so weather could always affect that. I'm also worried about what happens when one of my babies is sick.. I know they would want to be with their momma, and it would break my heart not to be with them.

I'm going to do it someday, no matter what. I'm still hoping and planning to start in the fall, but if I can't, I can't. I can always get a nighttime job or something opposite of Eric and go back to school when they're all in school. It would mean re-taking a lot of these classes and possibly not having a mentor for my master's degree, but if I don't have a choice, that will have to be what I do.

I'm trying not to stress.. It's just hard figuring it all out. It seems impossible right now.

Crazy Life!

Life is CRAZY with three kids! Some updates...

Aubryn was 12lbs,6.5oz and 24 inches at her 1 month checkup (98th and 96th percentiles, I think it was!).

Aeson loves giving her cuddles, he says "she's so cute" just as often as Westen now, and he's always so worried that someone is going to take her!

Aeson's been quite the handful lately, creating messes everywhere. He makes life significantly more busy! He's so darling when he tells me he loves me or that I'm the best.. or, my favorite, when he says "Happy Birthday!" I think he thinks it's something similar to "I love you." :)

Westen's a huge help and still drawing all the time. He's been very interested in Jesus lately. I love that he knew and understood (as much as a 6 year old can) what Easter was really about this year. Kids make holidays so much more enjoyable and meaningful.

Aubryn's been smiling over the last couple of weeks, almost solely at me. I have captured a couple on camera. Daddy has yet to get one! She's been awake more and growing like crazy. We've moved up to size 2 diapers and she's almost ready for 3-6 month clothes! I absolutely love having a baby girl.

I had my 6 week checkup today & all looks good. I have 6 more pounds to lose. The good news is I can start exercising now!

Classes are going.. It's hard to find the time for homework, but I do. Less than 4 weeks left! Speaking of, I got into both Spoon & WIU's nursing programs. I had a hard time deciding but gathered all the information I could and decided on WIU. I'm excited but also nervous. I hope I don't miss out on too much with my babies.