Always indecisive

Aeson's started signing "milk" the last couple of days, but I wasn't sure he really knew what it was until last night. He definitely wanted his momma! It's so amazing watching children grow every day.. and then every day turns into years.. and it's crazy how fast time flies. He also started trying to pull himself up yesterday! I couldn't believe it. He can get his butt up but not quite get into the standing position yet. I'm sure it will be soon! I think he's one intelligent boy. (Of course, I'm sure most parents do! :))

I hate how I have so much trouble making decisions... I contemplate everything and worry about making the 'right' decision. Unfortunately, I'm not sure my husband is much different, so it's a wonder anything gets decided around here period! :)

We took my mom to look at the house we're considering buying the other night. She loves it. That validated my own feelings, but I'm still stuck wondering if it is 'the house'.. if I will like living in that town.. etc, etc. There's so much to think about! We have no other possibilities right now, so our options are this house (and all the work it involves...) and selling our house & possibly renting until we find another house. IF we would find another house. I'm sure we would, but would we like it as much as this one? Would we regret not getting this one? Or would we find a better one and be glad we didn't get this one? Those thoughts are consuming me! And do I even want to live in this town? I've never lived there before, so I have nothing to base it on. The school is right there and there's certain things that are nice (and grandparents that are close!) but there's not a real grocery store.. no Walmart.. we'd have to travel 15 minutes (which isn't that bad).. and while it's closer to Eric's friends, it's further from mine. Hmmm...!

We have been countering offers back and forth all week. They came down a significant amount and have remained at that. We have gone up quite a bit from our original offer and just offered a difference of 5,000 today. We'll see what they do. I still don't expect them to budge.

The other thing that's driving me CRAZY is that we have to get our house ready to put on the market.. Things need touched up, the yard needs cleaned and made to look pretty, our garage needs repained.. But it is darn near impossible to get much done when you run a daycare and have two small children yourself and your husband doesn't get home from the work day until 7pm and works Saturdays. We HAVE to get it ready SOON so we don't lose this house (if it is the one we want!). Ahhh.. why am I so indecisive?!

Well, let me answer that.. because buying a house is a big deal. It's not like we'll want to move again in a few years. We could, I know, but we need to decide where we want to be by the time the kids start school. I don't want them to go through so many changes. It's hard enough leaving the home I brought both Westen and Aeson home from the hospital to!

Everyone says all will work out as it should... but that still doesn't leave us completely powerless and doesn't take away from the decision-making that still needs to be done now!

Moving?

Get my Internet working and my desire to blog up and I blog like crazy! Unfortunately, I think I've lost some readers.. Boo. :(

So, we're considering moving to Eric's hometown. It's about a half hour from where we currently live and we're there pretty often. Eric's parents live there and my mom owns a business there. We would have grandparents blocks away and be able to work out for free! (and take the kids with!) It's a smaller (non college!) town too, which I think would be nice. We started looking at houses and unfortunately, there's almost nothing in our price range! There are also several other people looking in our range, so anything that does come up is immediately snatched. We would have to sell our home first, so that gives us a bit of a disadvantage.

We found one home that we actually just put an offer in for this past week. It's an older home, like our current one is. I love the charm and originality of older homes. It's four bedroom, two full bath.. has an upstairs.. a garage.. a fenced back yard.. nice neighborhood.. fireplace, dining room, full basement. It's pretty much perfect.. BUT.. no central air and baseboard heat (which means we'd have to put in a new furnace and all the duct work and all for central air.. on which the price is doubled because it's a 2 story home).. and the people took very poor care of the home, so everything needs repainted, re-carpeted, etc.. I think it'd be beautiful once all of that was done. It's actually bank owned, so they have up to a week to get back to us.. but I'm not expecting them to take our offer. We only offered about half because of all the work that needs done. We'll see!

I still haven't decided about schools for Westen and this leaves me even more unsure now. I don't know whether to even think about the schools here if we're just going to be moving-- and on the same note, I probably won't want Westen to even start here if we're not going to stay here. Our state is in a bad place right now financially and things are being cut all over.. Resulting in Eric's hometown cutting their pre-k program completely. Our current town has reduced it to half a day, which is fine by me because it's not something Westen NEEDS. He actually had the pre-k screening the other day and of course did well. He got a score of 28 and you had to get 21 or above. So they take the kids who need it first and then offer it to others. The lady doing the screening said Westen was so smart and polite. It was funny to listen to him answer her and figure things out. I have to say I was much more impressed with the public school than the private Catholic one we had also visited.

So much up in the air!

Random thoughts

Aeson started waving this week. He's also made progress on the crawling and while he can't yet get up on all fours or move forward, he does scoot backward. :) He's tried some new (more 'adult') foods this week and isn't sure about a lot of the textures. He's currently dancing to music on the tv and shaking a rattle.. I love him!

Had a LLL meeting this week. I always learn so much from them, and I enjoy seeing the other moms and their babies! I'm definitely getting used to caring for so many children, but I *SO* miss adult interaction! Most moms there said they lost most their weight the second year of breastfeeding.. I certainly hope that's true for me! (Well, they said it was just more gradual the first year and then really came off the second) Eric gets frustrated with my negative self-view, but I just want my body back!

I'm not sure how long I'll nurse. Aeson still relies on it so much.. It will be very hard to break him! (And it will break my heart too, I'm sure!) He still nurses through the night, so my cycle has yet to return. It's been nice having it gone for 18 months!

I've changed so much from Westen to Aeson. I didn't stick with breastfeeding (didn't ask for help), gave immunizations, and let him cry when it came to Westen. I feel so bad about all of that! I'm proud of successfully nursing Aeson (I've learned so much about formula!!), I'm SO strongly against vaccinations now that I've done the research, and I *never* let Aeson cry. It's so weird how little ole me (the same person) could be so different in just the span of a few years. It's making me question nearly everything and not really believe fully in anything anymore, because it seems that I find out contradictory stuff all the time.

Speaking of changing, while cleaning my room the other day I came across letters and cards from my prior relationship (marriage if you want to call it that). It's so strange how I barely even remember that as MY life.. just doesn't seem real. It still brought tears to my eyes, knowing how strongly I felt and the things I believed then. I saved a few of them, just so Westen can know he was conceived by people who really did at least think they loved each other.

Time to feed baby!

Acey poo poo loo

I need to write more often! I can't remember even a fraction of what has happened by the time I get on here.

Eric started his new job, and it's not going too badly. He likes it. I don't too much care for him not getting home until 7pm (as we eat dinner and then go to bed since Aeson's ready!), but it is nice having him home in the mornings to help and having that time between 5:30-7 to get things done around here and just enjoy the kids myself. That was one long sentence.

Daycare is going pretty well. The hardest time is when Aeson is nursing.. Luckily he doesn't take long, but it's hard to keep up with the other kids while I'm doing that. I've been doing it for a little over 3 months and I'm learning the whole time!

Aeson is 8 months old now. He still isn't crawling, but he rolls over every time he's laid down now and certainly tries very hard. He bounces up and down and claps when he sees me or Eric. I've been trying to teach him sign language but now he just uses clapping for everything! Haha. He just recently has started making "mum mum" noises and laughing when we laugh. He's laughed AT things for a long time (and is VERY ticklish!) but now it's so cute to hear him laugh just because we are. He's a wonderful child and is getting SO big. He's in 18-24 month clothes. He eats crackers and little puff things.. Doesn't do real well with real food, though. He barely eats any food for breakfast or lunch but will typically eat most of a jar for dinner. He absolutely refuses cereal and meat, which unfortunately is where he's supposed to be getting a lot of nutrients! Last time we went to the doc, she said it was still fine because he was getting everything he needs from me, but I would expect that would start to change as he gets older. I don't think we'll need to worry about his size, though! :) He just recently got his second ear infection. :( Everyone in the daycare had horrible coughs and runny noses and I guess he got it from that. It still seems to be bothering him. I can't wait until he's feeling better and back to my normal, happy baby.

Westen is getting SO big. I can't even believe how old he is. He's good most of the time, but we've had some difficulty with him being mouthy already! I love his help with the daycare, because he always tells me if somebody's going to do something they shouldn't. He's a huge help and the babies LOVE him. They all smile at him. :) It's so hard having two kids, because since I had Aeson I feel like I'm harder on Westen, expect more out of him, and don't have as much time for him. I'm sure if I feel like that, he does too. Your whole view just changes, though, and the older sibling IS the one who should know better, etc. I just have to try hard to remember he's still just a little boy. A lot of things will change too once Aeson becomes more independent of me, I think. He is so attached that we can never leave him for more than just a very short time. Eventually, we'll be able to give each of the boys their own time. It sort of scares me for having more kids, though! I want a big family, but I know issues like this will get harder with each one!

Being home and Acey being so needy has been good for us, though.. We've been able to bond in a way that I don't think we were quite able to, as he was whisked away at birth and then in NICU for 10 days, with me barely being able to hold him the first several days. I can't even remember that time in our lives without getting tearful. It still affects me greatly.

We're considering moving! More on this later... :)