Just some updates

Still no more kiddos signed up. I'm hoping & praying for it to happen SOON. Today's Monday, and it's been a rough one. I miss the kids SO much. I want to be home so badly it hurts! Tears stung my eyes more than once this morning.

We went to the geneticist in St. Louis last Thursday, and I posted the results in a note on facebook. It went very, very well! We were so happy to be able to talk to people who have seen LOTS of children with BWS.. and to hear that his cancer risk is very low and to hear the explanation behind the genetics AND how it would be very rare for us to have another baby with it (like less than 1%). I feel bad for my poor little Aeson having it.. but hopefully it will never result in any tumors.. and all of this mess and his characteristics will be GONE by the time he's 4-8.

Friday, Aeson had his 4 month checkup. He actually met all the 4 month milestones, although she said she wouldn't consider him four months until he would actually gestationally be four months (January 3rd). She voiced a little more on her position with vaccinations, making me feel pretty bad for NOT getting them. Thing is, though, if I did get them, I know I would regret it.. just as I do with Westen and the couple Aeson's already had. But I wish I didn't have to hear it. :( It would be nice if there were more doctors against them! Aeson weighs 19 pounds now and is 27 inches long, I think it was. Very, very big for his age. In the 80's and 90's but not off the chart quite yet!

Saturday, Westen and I baked more cookies! Then Sunday, we had Eric's father's side of the family's Christmas. Last Thursday was our volunteer party at work too.. So I have had waaay too much food this last week! As of last Tuesday, I'd lost 6 pounds in the prior four weeks.. but I think I'll probably gain this week darnit! :( We had a wonderful time at Eric's family's, though. Westen got a Transformer and then bought a few more with the money he got.. He's obsessed with them! He even talks like them, which is quite cute. Aeson also apparently laughed out loud last Thursday and I missed it! :( I was at the volunteer party, and he hasn't done it since!

A friend of mine is having trouble nursing her baby who is the same age as Aeson (3 days apart, I think). She's not producing enough, and he's having a horrible reaction to formula's they try.. So I'm giving her most of our frozen supply later this week and now trying to pump extra for her. I normally feed Aeson before leaving in the morning, go home late morning to feed him, he gets a bottle & I pump in the early afternoon, and then I feed him when I get home at 4. Soo.. This morning, I tried pumping immediately after I got to work (minutes after he stopped eating) and easily got 5oz. BUT I'm afraid he didn't get enough now at his late morning feeding.. Eric said he was super fussy just a bit ago. We'll see how it works out.. I hope I can help. I was having problems with oversupply, though, and actually had to start feeding him on one side for two feedings in a row at night because he would start choking and having major problems eating.. So I'm kind of worried that pumping will increase my supply and that will start again! I have an LLL meeting tonight, so we'll see if I get any other tips.

Aeson's doctor also said we could start him on solids when he "would be" four months.. so that would be January 3rd. I'm hoping that helps him not be so needy and wanting to eat so often! Poor little thing.. I mean, he's as big as a 9-12 month old!

Daycare; Christmas-time with kids

Does anyone know of any legitimate money-making things online or otherwise that you can do from home??

Now that I've told my boss, I can spill the beans here! I'm working on becoming licensed to do in-home daycare. I'm only one home inspection away actually. Problem is.. I can't find the kids! Yet anyway. I have several friends who have done or are doing it as well and they say I'll definitely get them.. sometimes it just takes a while. How long is what I'm not sure of! I've let the world of facebook know and I've put an ad online but nothing yet. :( I have one spot filled and that's going to be my niece/nephew who is due at the end of this month.. so I won't be watching him/her until the end of February/beginning of March. I want two more kids. I'm going to be putting an ad in the paper soon.. hopefully that will help. I was planning on starting in January, but now I'm not sure if I'll be able to. I can't go without a paycheck in between jobs either, so it's sort of crazy trying to plan it all out!

And.. since our moms can't continue to watch the boys past January.. I have two options-- See if I can go part-time at work until I find kiddos OR go ahead and quit and well, I guess that's not an option unless I'm making money somehow!!

Hopefully things will work out. Soon. I can't wait to be home with my boys.

We've been having SO much fun. Last week, we watched Christmas specials (like Rudolph) on TV. Westen LOVED it. We made Christmas cookies over the weekend.. Westen helping with the dough and then finishing off the decorating at the end (by putting TONS of sprinkles on them :)). We also went to see Santa on Saturday. Westen was a little scared before going, saying that he was not going to sit on his lap and asking if it was loud when he says 'ho ho ho.' However, when we got there, Santa held out his arms and Westen climbed right up! And then proceeded to talk and talk and talk! He told him all about the Transformers and Batman things he wants. Santa told him to leave cookies for him, something I had not told Westen yet about, so he's been quite intrigued with that idea since. It also snowed for the first time here and Westen was SO excited when he saw it. He thought that it meant Santa was coming! :) He went outside before I even left for work that morning to play in it. I can't wait until I can play with him in it! We also took some cute pictures (posted on facebook) of the boys to use for Christmas cards.. which I need to get done!! Speaking of, if I don't have your address, send me a message with it so I can get one to you! We're supposed to have our first big winter storm here tonight. I love it!

Thanksgiving 2009

What a busy extended weekend!

First, I'll update you on the BWS. I was quite upset the first few days after the diagnosis, understandably, but now that the reality has set in, I'm somewhat better. The constant testing is still killing me, but maybe that will get better too. He had his first sonogram last Friday. They said the doc should have the results by Monday, but she did not at the time of our appointment and we haven't heard anything since. He had to get blood and urine taken Monday. Taking the blood was an AWFUL experience. The doctor tried for over forty five minutes.. sticking him in both his wrists and arms.. He screamed the entire time and she still didn't get ANY blood. It was horrible. I had taken a sheet in I got off the BWS website about how they should just be able to do a fingerpoke, so she said she would check with the lab. The next day I heard from the nurse and she said they CAN do the fingerpoke! Thank GOD!! That will be so much easier and less traumatic. His urine sample came back good too! AND, they got us in with a geneticist in St. Louis on December 10! It was a good news day. We have to drive further than we would have had to to go to the June appointment, but it's worth it!

Aeson has definitely showed that he's growing waaay more than the average baby. He's in 6-9 month clothes now and even wore a 12 month outfit the other day. He won't be four months until Dec 3. It's no wonder he wants to eat all the time. I'm just thankful that my milk has been enough for him. He still wakes 1-2 times a night, but it doesn't bother me. He never naps very long during the day.. usually only for a half hour at a time! That's kind of hard, because I don't have much time to get things done around the house but I know that won't last forever.

I also weighed myself this last week and had lost 4lbs in the last two weeks! Which actually puts me just below my weight when I found out I was pregnant. It certainly doesn't feel like it.. I suppose it's just distributed differently now. I'm hoping to continue losing.

So on to our weekend...

I was so thankful for a shorter work week. Wednesday evening, Eric and I watched Four Christmases. It was a lovely start to the Thanksgiving weekend. Thursday, I made biscuits and gravy for breakfast, and we watched Funny People (which was way too long). We went to Eric's parents for a late lunch and had all the Thanksgiving fixings. It was delicious and Aeson actually slept for most of the meal. After dessert, we watched the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and National Lampoon's Christmas vacation. We had a very, very good time with his family. The four of us stayed the night there, so Eric and I could leave early for Black Friday shopping! It was our first year going. We got up around 4am and headed out after Aeson ate. Unfortunately, since we were up, Aeson decided he wanted to be too, so Eric's mom didn't get to go back to sleep!

Anyway, Eric and I had an awesome time shopping. We went to Toys R Us first and got Westen done! I'm excited about the gifts we got him this year. It was super fun picking them out together too and getting such good deals! We then shopped for other family members at the mall and surrounding stores, ate lunch out, and then headed back to his parents. We spent some more time there before heading home to shop just a bit more, eat dinner at home, and then get out our Christmas tree! I was SO upset to find out that all of our Christmas tree decorations were ruined. We'd put them in an area of the basement that doesn't usually get wet.. only this year, with all the rain, it did. We hadn't even thought about it until we went down to get them. It's a big mess we need to clean up now. Ugh! I suppose that will teach me to put them in a watertight container next time. We made a run to Kmart to get some decorations, only we didn't have much money after the day's shopping! We got what we could and finished decorating (while listening to Christmas music :)) when we got home. Westen loved helping, and he also loved helping me wrap some of the presents afterward.

I can't believe I wasn't more exhausted by the end of the day yesterday. It was a good, fun day though.

Now we're up to today.. We have Thanksgiving dinner at my mom's tonight and I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow. Plus Sunday is always our clean house/do laundry/etc day, before heading back to a full work week Monday. Boo! :(

Diagnosis

I've been reading a bit, but I've been so, so busy and haven't yet been able to comment.. I haven't forgotten all of you! And I will be blogging away about lots of stuff pretty soon. But, for now, I just wanted to post this- now that Aeson has indeed been diagnosed with it. He has the difference in the chromosome and will now undergo blood/urine tests and sonograms regularly for all of his childhood.. starting this Friday. I can't write all my thoughts/feelings right now.. but just, as you read this, imagine it was your child.

What is Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome?

Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome (BWS) is a growth regulation disorder. The most common features of BWS include macrosomia (large body size), macroglossia (large tongue), abdominal wall defects, an increased risk for childhood tumors, kidney abnormalities, hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) in the newborn period, and unusual ear creases or pits. Children with BWS may also have hemihyperplasia, in which some parts of the body are larger on one side than on the other.

The major features of BWS, macrosomia and macroglossia, are often present at birth. Abdominal wall defects such as omphalocele, which causes the inside of the abdomen to protrude through the navel, are also present at birth and may require surgery before an infant leaves the hospital. Mothers of children with BWS may have pregnancy complications, including premature delivery and polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid). An unusually large placenta and long umbilical cord may also be present.

The increased growth rate generally slows during childhood. Intellectual development is usually normal, and adults with BWS typically do not experience any medical problems related to their condition.

What causes BWS?

BWS is a genetic condition related to changes in the genes (in an area called the short arm) of chromosome 11 (11p15.5). In most cases (about 85%), the genetic changes that cause BWS happen sporadically (occurs by chance) in families where there is no history of the condition. In about 10% to 15 % of cases, the genetic changes may be inherited. This means that the risk for BWS can be passed from generation to generation in a family. The genetic mechanisms that cause gene mutations (alterations) resulting in BWS are complex.

How is BWS inherited?

The 10% to 15% of BWS that is inherited follows an autosomal dominant inheritance pattern. Normally, every cell has two copies of each gene: one inherited from the mother and one inherited from the father. In autosomal dominant inheritance, a mutation happens in only one copy of the gene. This means that a parent with a gene mutation may pass along a copy of their normal gene or a copy of the gene with the mutation. Therefore, a child who has a parent with a mutation has a 50% chance of inheriting that mutation. A brother, sister, or parent of a person who has a mutation also has a 50% chance of having the same mutation.

How common is BWS?

BWS has been found across different population groups. Approximately one in 13,700 people have BWS. Some researchers believe this number could be an underestimate.

How is BWS diagnosed?

The diagnosis of BWS is clinical, meaning that it is based primarily on physical features. BWS is suspected in children who are larger than expected for their age, especially if growth is not symmetrical (the same on both sides). An enlarged tongue and abdominal wall defect, primarily omphalocele, are also considered to be common features. There are many other features that may be seen in some children with BWS. However, not every child with BWS will have every feature. Features are listed as major (common) or minor (less common). It is generally agreed that at least one major feature and two minor features are required to consider a diagnosis of BWS:

Major Features

* Macrosomia (large body size)

* Macroglossia (large tongue)

* Omphalocele (abdomen protrudes through navel)

* Hemihyperplasia (some parts of the body are larger on one side)

* Ear creases or pits

* Visceromegaly (enlargement of one or more abdominal organ)

* Embryonal tumor (Wilms tumor, hepatoblastoma, neuroblastoma, rhabdomyosarcoma)

* Adrenocortical tumor

* Kidney abnormalities

* Cleft palate (gap in the roof of the mouth)

* Family history of BWS

Minor Features

* Polyhydramnios (excessive amniotic fluid)

* Prematurity (low birth weight)

* Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar)

* Advanced bone age

* Heart problems

* Diastatsis recti (separation of the right and left sides of the main abdominal muscle)

* Hemangioma (noncancerous tumor made up of blood vessels)

* Facial nevus flammeus (hemangioma of the skin, also called a “port-wine stain”)

* Characteristic facial features

* Identical twins

Genetic testing for gene mutations associated with BWS is available, but is complex. It is recommended that families considering genetic testing for BWS meet with a clinical geneticist and genetic counselor that can explain the tests and coordinate testing. Currently available genetic testing methods may be able to identify up to 80% of genetic mutations causing BWS.

What are the estimated cancer risks associated with BWS?

The estimated risk for tumors in children with BWS is about 7.5%. Tumors are very rare after age 10, and the risk for an individual tumor decreases over time until the risk is similar to that of the general population. Several different tumor types, both cancerous and benign (noncancerous), have been reported in children with BWS. The most common tumor types are:

* Wilms tumor (kidney tumor)

* Hepatoblastoma (liver tumor)

* Adrenocortical carcinoma

* Neuroblastoma

* Rhabdomyosarcoma

What are the screening options for BWS?

Current suggested screenings for people who are known or suspected to have BWS include:

* Baseline magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) or computed tomography (CT or CAT) scan of the abdomen, at the time of diagnosis

* Abdominal ultrasound to view kidneys, liver and adrenal gland every three months, until age 8

* Serum alpha-fetoprotein every three months, until age 4

* Regular physical examination, including abdominal exam; schedule determined by your doctor


Most children (>80%) with BWS do not develop cancer; however, children with BWS are much more likely (~600 times more) than other children to develop certain childhood cancers, particularly Wilms' tumor (nephroblastoma) and hepatoblastoma.[1] Individuals with BWS appear to only be at increased risk for cancer during childhood (especially before age four) and do not have an increased risk of developing cancer in adulthood.[1] If 100 children with BWS were followed from birth until age ten, about 10 cases of cancer would be expected in the group before age four, and about 1 case of cancer in the group would be expected between age four and ten.

In addition to Wilms tumor and hepatoblastoma, children with BWS are also at increased risk of developing adrenal cortical carcinoma, neuroblastoma, and rhabdomyosarcoma.

Both Wilms tumor and hepatoblastoma can usually be cured if diagnosed early. Early diagnosis allows physicians to treat the cancer when it is low stage. In addition, there is less toxic treatment.[9] Given the importance of early diagnosis, all children with BWS should receive cancer screening.

In general, the prognosis is very good. Children with BWS usually do very well and grow up to become the heights expected based on their parents heights. While children with BWS are at increased risk of childhood cancer, most children with BWS do not develop cancer and the vast majority of children who do develop cancer can be treated successfully.

Children with BWS for the most part had no significant delays when compared to their siblings. However, some children with BWS do have speech problems that could be related to macroglossia or hearing loss.

Advances in treating neonatal complications and premature infants in the last twenty years have significantly improved the true infant mortality rate associated with BWS. In a review of pregnancies that resulted in 304 children with BWS, not a single neonatal death was reported.[11] This is compared to a previously reported mortality rate of 20%.[12] The data from the former study was derived from a BWS registry, a database that may be slightly biased towards involving living children; however, death was not an exclusion criterion to join the registry. This suggests that while infants with BWS are likely to have a higher than normal infant mortality risk, it may not be as high as 20%.

Halloween and birthday

Well, Aeson's bloodwork is now being sorted through and inspected, or whatever it is they do, to test it for the syndrome I talked about before. Doctor wasn't sure how long it will take.. which I found kind of odd.. but expected it to be a couple of weeks. They had a hard time getting the blood and it was a terrible experience. But much better to know, right?

Halloween was awesome this year! Westen had his party at school and he was sooo excited. I went for a little bit and took some pictures. When he had his costume on, he became Optimus Prime.. No one was to call him Westen.. and he did the same with everyone else in costumes! It was quite funny because he would even do it walking along the streets during trick-or-treating. He'd yell out 'Hi Batman!' etc. He was very much 'into' Halloween this year. We went to the small town I grew up in the first night and then the town we live in now the second. He LOVED walking along the streets (the weather was actually not too bad.. but quite windy!), ringing doorbells and saying 'trick or treat!,' and then saying 'thank you!' and scurrying to the next house. It was so much fun. I don't think there's anything better or more fun than to see your children happy/having fun.

My birthday was yesterday. I turned twenty six! I feel so old!! :) This was the first year that I actually was NOT really excited about it.. I feel like from this point on, I'm only going to get OLD. I've been so darn busy too that I felt I wasn't really able to ENJOY things lately. I forgot to mention when I was writing before about how busy I am that Eric also works Saturdays.. so yet another busy day for me and only one day that we actually get together. I'm getting so burnt out on working and doing it all.. It's so hard and all I really want to do is be home with my family.

Anyway, back to my birthday.. I got lots of nice cards and I got the day off of work. I was rather taken aback when my boss asked me what I was doing and asked if the kids were still going to daycare so I could have some time to myself. I WANT my free time to be with them! I hadn't even CONSIDERED not spending the day with them. So that's what we did.. just spent the day together and Aeson was actually pretty fussy! We got to spend part of the day with my mother-in-law, though, so that was fun. Then we spent the evening with my family, eating dinner and cake that I baked. :) Birthdays just aren't what they were when you were younger! Tonight, we're going to dinner with a few of our friends and I'm very excited about that. Hopefully it'll be a good time!

Something funny this week.. I had someone tell me the bag that holds my pump etc was a nice lunch bag.. I just kept my mouth shut. :) haha.

Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome

Immediately after posting my last entry, I decided to google 'large tongue in infant.' I thought that it would just bring up how some babies do have them and grow out of them. Instead, it brought up a syndrome. An overgrowth syndrome. And he has most of the characteristics. And if you don't already know, cancer is due to overgrowths.

It's called Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome. The babies characteristically have large tongues, hernias (he has), large birth weight and height (7lbs, 5oz and 20inches 4 full weeks early), low blood sugar after birth (don't know about this one), the strawberry mark/'stork bite' (he has on his forehead, eyelids, and back of neck), ear pits or grooves (he doesn't have at all.. Interestingly, Westen has an ear pit that he's had since birth but I never knew what it was-- until now), and enlargement of one side of the body (nothing I've noticed at all). I've read most babies don't have all.. most have two.. It's just different for everyone. It's also more of a childhood thing, with most babies growing into normal adults. It's not that anything is 'wrong'.. and they do tend to grow into their tongue, the strawberry marks go away, etc... BUT.. They have a much, much more significant risk for getting cancer. From what I've read, most are treatable cancers.

There's only about a 1 in 14,000 chance of having this. Most of the pictures are horrifying.. Aeson certainly doesn't have it to the degree some do, if he has it at all.

I called his doctor.. wondering why on earth nothing had been said when to me he clearly has the majority of the characteristics. Children who have it are to be continually monitored for tumors as well (every 3 months until age 8 or 10 is what I read I think-- after that, the risk is very minimal). She finally called me back today herself. She said that she had considered it, mainly because of his tongue but that she hadn't seen any of the other characteristics (besides now the hernia). She said that he wasn't abnormally large for 36 weeks, he didn't have low blood sugar (but then when I asked if that had been taken, she said they 'usually' did and sounded like she was then looking for it.. I'm not sure they did with all his complications), and she specifically looked for the other physical characteristics at the last appointment- not seeing any. She said she was going to wait until the next appointment to see how much he grew and things like that before saying anything. But.. since I beat her to it and we'll all be worried about it now, she said we would start the testing. There is no definitive test.. but we'll start with bloodwork and go into deeper genetics testing if needed. So, after work today, he'll be going for his first bloodwork.

My thoughts on this? First, of course, I'm scared to death. At first I was handling it pretty well.. only about 7% or so of children with this actually get cancer I read.. but man, he and we have had so many things happen where the chances were even smaller than that already. I'm not going to think too much about that part yet.. just take it one step at a time.. Something I am going to have to learn to deal with is the constant testing if it does come to that.. Not only because he'll have to endure different types of examination (blood, ultrasound, etc) on a regular basis but because the outcome could be different at any one of the times. Like I said on facebook, I'm pretty certain I can handle just about anything, though.

I'm now scared for future children.. It's not supposed to happen to subsequent children, but it worries me that Westen had one characteristic (I wonder now if he should be monitored too...) and then Aeson had several.. I worry that it will get worse with other children, and I just couldn't do that to them.

On the positive side, I see now why maybe it was a good thing my family was talking about it.. After all, it lead me to researching it and is resulting in this earlier testing. I'm also very thankful that I was so insistent on breastfeeding this time and so determined to continue it.. That's gotta help, right? When things like this happen, you see the reasons for things you never did before.

Please pray for him.

Sort of a tiny treasures post but a regular one in there as well!

The life of a nursing mom of two is the busiest life ever, I SWEAR! It is so hard to find the time to do anything. I'm in my third week back to work.. I get up earlier than I ever did before, in order to get ready, get everyone taken care of, nurse, and drop the kids off at daycare before going to work.. then I leave work mid-morning to go nurse Aeson.. back to work to eat lunch.. pump in the afternoon.. finally get off work to go pick the boys back up.. and then all Aeson wants to do in the evenings is nurse! I'm lucky to get enough time to make dinner (something Eric never does) and get things ready for the next day. It is absolute craziness. I haven't been able to clean house since I've been back to work and while Eric tries to help, it seems like I always have to nag at him.. and not enough gets done. And exercise? NO time for that! Aeson turned 12 weeks yesterday and my weight has been at a standstill for quite some time now. I have about 10lbs I have to lose to be at my pre-pregnancy weight, and I'd like to lose more. (I'd gained some just before getting pregnant) But I seriously cannot fit that into my day. I'm trying to just relax and have patience.. Right now, my main job IS giving that little baby all his nutrition.. I just have to wonder when it will ease up a little. I guess the big thing is that it just becomes very hard to have 'me' time when you have multiple kids! Because even if I do have time, I try to give Westen one-on-one since he rarely gets that anymore. I feel bad that he has kind of taken the back burner but again, I try to remind myself that this won't be forever.

On the positive side, oh how I love to feed my little Aeson. We kicked the shields (on his own!) and he is nursing perfectly now.. no problem! I love when he starts to fall asleep but when I talk to him, his eyes fly open. I love how he can nurse all night as he pleases now and I'm still able to get my sleep! I love how it's something that's beneficial for him AND for me.

Aeson is getting SO big. 3-6 month clothes are getting small on him already. We weighed him on Sunday at my in-law's, and we believe he's around 14lbs,14oz. We tried the cloth diapers for the first time over the weekend and love them!! I was pleased to realize that they really do work just as well as disposables.

We also went to a baby shower for my sister-in-law this weekend, and one of the aunts got after me in front of everyone! I was pretty embarassed. They were asking about Aeson's sleeping, and somehow I just had to say that he sleeps with us (even stating that I KNOW some people have strong opinions about it).. and I was told very strongly NOT to do that. She said she knew someone who rolled over on their baby and killed it (well, she said, they didn't know if it was the mom or dad). Okay, now hopefully, hopefully I will NEVER have to experience anything like that.. AND I could be wrong here.. but I've done my research and I KNOW myself. I sleep very lightly and even the slightest fussing wakes me up. I really believe I would never, ever roll on top of something and NOT know it. I actually don't even move in my sleep because I'm always right in the place where Aeson can eat as he wishes. I've never rolled on Westen when he was sleeping with us.. on cats when they've been in bed with us.. etc. From the books I've read, women have co-slept for centuries.. here and in other countries. I also take precautions like holding the blanket IN my hand and down around Aeson's waist, so there's no chance of it going over him. Not to mention it's not a heavy blanket and he FREAKS out when stuff is over his head (a battle every morning! :)). Anyway, it's nothing I would ever recommend for other people because they have to know themselves and be comfortable with whatever they do, but it works for us and I really (god forbid) think it will be fine. I didn't say all of this to her, though, not wanting to cause a scene. I hate it when people try to impose their beliefs onto you... especially in such a forceful manner.

Anyhow, Aeson is SO smiley these days. He's most happy in the mornings. I love love love to see his face break out into a big grin at the sound of my voice. Even today at daycare, he was crying when I got there (where's my mommy to feed me?!), and as soon as he heard my voice, he quieted. While he is still a fussier type child, he has definitely gotten better and has definite periods of wakefulness and contentedness. I don't know how but he also always seems to 'know' when there is something important that I want him to be quiet for! :) And he's perfect at those times. I still always stress beforehand, though. :)

Another thing that I haven't mentioned yet is that Aeson has a large tongue for a baby. It's not causing him any difficulty eating or anything like that, and the doctor said that some babies just have that and they always grow into them. :) However, my family will not stop talking about how something might be 'wrong' with him. It drives me CRAZY. Clearly, he was in the best hospital around here for TEN days after his birth.. a hospital where they gave other babies diagoses of Down's etc.. and no word about him. He's clearly met all his milestones so far and appears to be JUST like other babies.. just with a tongue that is often visible and he's often playing with. It even looks like he tries to move it like ours when we talk.. so funny! Now clearly, again, I have no way of knowing if there IS something we don't know about but I honestly don't believe there is.. and I just wish people would stop talking about it! Even if there was something, who cares??

Boy, I'm ranting today. :) Had lots to write about!

Westen's adoption was final on October 14. Eric and I went to court, and he is now legally his daddy. :)

Hope everyone has a good Halloween!

Tiny Treasures Tuesday: 10 weeks

Aeson
Well, this week Aeson slept 7 hours two of the nights! I, of course, didn't get that much sleep.. as I was waking constantly to check on him.. but it was still nice. :) The past two nights haven't been as good.. He's a little congested, so I'm not sure if that's part of the problem or if he was sensing that he wouldn't have me all to himself starting today. :) He also started falling asleep on his own this past week.. without crying or eating or anything!

Last week, we got him one vaccine. I did soooo much research on it. I was a mess! We finally decided to go with one vaccine at a time and to start with the one with the least side effects and the one that is most risky if you acquire what it's protecting against (HIB). He did really well, only crying for the few seconds the serum was being pushed into him. There are several vaccines I'm not going to do at all (MMR and any live vaccine-- such as the rotavirus), and I'm still undecided on the rest. The whole 2-4 month increase in SIDS risk scares the heck out of me, so I think I'm going to try to wait as long as possible. I've talked to several people who know others who were never vaccinated and perfectly fine too.

Westen
This was Westen's last week at home before starting back to daycare part-time. He's been helping make dinner when he can, and this weekend we made pumpkin sugar cookies. He LOVES doing stuff like that. This past weekend was also a skate party for his daycare. It was his first time skating! He really, really liked it, although he rarely let go of mine or Eric's hand. He's been saying since that he wants to go back. The skating place is still exactly like when I was younger. He had a blast skating and playing the arcade games they have there- particularly because his best friend Kaden was also there! Afterwards, he got to pick a prize and he chose a little plastic fish. He insisted on putting it in a bowl of water when we got to Grandma's afterwards (for pizza with the fam!). He'd wanted to put it in our big (real!) fish tank at home. :)

I think Westen was well aware the transition to school was occurring as well.. Last night, he continued to come in our room after bedtime saying 'I just love you Mommy' and 'I just love you Daddy.' He also told me earlier in the day, when we were discussing the return to work/school, that Aeson was going to miss me. :)

Westen also did the cutest thing this week.. Aeson was lying in his bouncy seat while I was getting ready and Westen decided to come in and read to him! I didn't even mention it.. he just did it! He's SUCH a good big brother. I got a couple pics I'll have to post next time.. I haven't had the time to upload them and get them on here!

Tiny Treasures Tuesday hosted by Lerin at mycatholicfamily.blogspot.com

Preparing for work

I go back to work on Tuesday. This morning, when I woke up, I thought.. "two more days.." Now it is just barely over one. :(

The latter part of this week and the weekend were spent preparing for it.. laundry done, everyone's clothes laid out for the week, groceries bought for lunches, and I've been reading Hirkani's Daughters in preparation for the scheduling. It's about women who work and breastfeed- It's all real women's stories, and it's very helpful! I probably won't always be this prepared, but it certainly will help for the first week!

The only thing that I'm lacking is new clothes. :( Besides it being fall (and cold, cold weather already here!) and wanting to go shopping for that reason, I'm also stuck between my clothes. About two pairs of my pre-pregnancy pants fit. The others are still too tight, and my maternity clothes are too big. Hopefully I can find enough to wear. The pre-preggo pants fit everywhere but the tummy.. hopefully that'll continue going down over the next couple of months. I'm not TOO far off from it.

Westen and I baked orange pumpkin sugar cookies yesterday. Today I made almond bark pretzels. My dad also gave us a straw bale this past week, and we got four pumpkins to put around it. I love this time of year.

Another big thing I'm dreading about work (can you tell it's very much on my mind?!) is my car in the mornings! The heat doesn't warm up until you've been going over 30mph for several minutes. Since the daycare is here in town, I really don't go over 30 at all.. and it's only minutes away. If I start the car earlier, it still doesn't warm up. It's very aggravating, and I'm worried about it with my poor little baby! I don't want him to be cold. I'll have to have it looked at, but I've heard it's something Chrysler's do.. and even that will have to wait until we have the money to do so. We went through all our savings during my leave and what we have now is saved for Christmas. Maybe something will work out...

Tiny Treasures Tuesday: 2 months, GAL

Aeson is two months old now! He's starting to smile more and more.. it's absolutely darling! I have yet to catch it on camera, but I think I should be able to soon. :) We left him for the first time this weekend. Eric & I were supposed to go to a Cubs game but we ended up not getting our tickets and not wanting to go! So we just got a refund and decided to go on the Spoon River Drive and still let his parents watch the kids. I was a little nervous but all went well. Aeson was pretty cranky all day, but he is often.. even with us. I can't wait until he's a happier baby! The gas drops seem to help somewhat. I'm nervous about next week.. him going to daycare AND being home with Daddy.. when he's super attached to Mommy! Hopefully it'll be a relatively easy transition.

Aeson had his checkup yesterday and he has gained 3 whole pounds in the last month! He's 12lbs, 3oz and 24 inches long. That leaves him in the 58th percentile for weight and the 80th for height! He's definitely caught up. :) It's always reassuring to know that he's getting enough breastmilk! His head was only in the 20th percentile, I think, but it certainly doesn't look small. Westen's was always on the large end but it never looked like it either! Overall, Aeson looked very good. He does have a hernia on his belly button, but she said it was nothing to worry about.

I'm completely torn on whether or not to vaccinate. I've heard (and read) so many horror stories. I keep leaning both ways, depending on what I read. I need to decide soon too, because he starts daycare next week and his doctor would like them done before then if I decide to go ahead with it. I'm obsessed with learning all about it.. but pretty much everything really is just opinion.. nothing has been PROVEN either way. Puts mommy's in a hard place!

***

This week, Westen has been obsessed with his batman/spiderman/transformer figurines and football. He LOVES playing with his football, and it's so cute to hear him say things like "I'm deep!" He always, always has to show off and will continue to repeat things if people found them funny/cute. He's very imaginative with his figurines too.. building garages out of dominoes for his transformer.. getting the other figurines to climb on things.. etc!

He's also a sweet child.. He hates when he hears anything dies, and he was quite concerned about the fish we feed our (bigger) fish.

We had the meeting with the guardian ad litem (basically an attorney for Westen) last week and it went very well! She said she can tell Westen has such an optimistic outlook on life. :) She set up scenarios in which Eric would interact with Westen and, of course, all went well and the (good!) report should be completed this week.. leaving only the adoption hearing left to make it all final!

Job

I've been considering staying home and doing in-home daycare... I would have to watch 3 more kids (plus my 2) to make more than what I make at my job. I can't decide, though, not knowing what it will be like! Any thoughts/ideas/advice??

Tiny Treasures Tuesday: 8 weeks

(Westen and Kaden at the high school homecoming parade)

We went to my old high school's homecoming parade and game last weekend. Westen had a good time, even asking questions about the game of football. During half-time, the band was playing and Westen said it sounded like "a sad elephant." LOL! The only thing I can think of as to where he got this is Little Einsteins.. They put music to objects quite often. :)

Over the last week, Westen has been asking what a lot of words mean. Some are easier (demolition, job), while some are much harder (a model (like of a home), the future (to someone who doesn't even know what tomorrow means!)). Just now he asked what a heart is! :) He knows it's in his chest and "beeps," but I guess he wanted more detail!

Aeson's now 8 weeks old! I can hardly believe it. Of course gestationally he's only 4 weeks. After talking about him not smiling last week, he's had several small smiles over the last week. It makes us incredibly happy to see! They're the most darling things ever.

We also attended our first wedding and reception with Aeson.. He was very good during the wedding and slept the ENTIRE time at the reception! The picture above is from there. :)

And now.. he's screaming his little head off, so I better get to feeding him!

*write about your little ones! hosted by Lerin at mycatholicfamily.blogspot.com

Tiny Treasures Tuesday

Westen

Westen has been quite funny over the last week.

One day, I was telling him there were blankets in the basket by the sink. He had walked into the kitchen (where the basket was) and again asked where they were. The conversation went like this..
"By the sink Westen."
"What?"
"By the sink!" (louder)
"What? I can't hear you!"
"BY THE SINK!" (even louder)
"By the seat?" hahaha
"No! By the SINNNKK."
"Ohh.. by the sink!"
Haha, why I didn't just get up and show him I don't know.. maybe I was occupied by Baby at the time.. can't really remember!

He has also started this thing lately (going along with his dramatic attitude lately) about going to people's houses. He will say "But I thought I was going to Aunt Chelsea's house. Or grandma's house. Or Optimus Prime's house. I'll never get to go to anyone's house!" He always sticks in Optimus Prime or Batman or some such superhero's house.

Westen also saw a commercial about Aspbergers and officially thinks it is the funniest word ever. He first said "They can't say that! That's a bad word." I told him that it wasn't and since then, he has asked me several times "Are you sure?" followed by "Are you telling the truth?" (Another thing he has started asking about things :) .. because I'm often asking him this!)

Westen went to his first football game last weekend. He loved it! We're going to go to another this weekend.

He also got his flu shot yesterday. He did very well! We talked about it a lot in the days before. He decided the morning of that he was NOT going to get one. He ended up being fine, though, and I held him on my lap. He started screaming a little when she was coming toward him with the needle but didn't cry until she was actually pushing the serum into him. Then he only cried for a minute, which was a relief for me! He's been very concerned with no one touching that arm since, though!

Aeson

Aeson is 7 weeks old now! Westen was smiling frequently by this point and we have yet to see even the hint of a smile from Aeson. :( In fact, it is him this time that I don't have many updates on! He's still my precious little newborn.. I never really know whether to think of him as a 7 week old or to think of him as even younger, since he was born 4 weeks earlier than he was supposed to be. I'm still dreading going back to work and being away from him that long. We went to our first Le Leche League meeting last night and it was helpful to hear from other mommies who have done it.. and I got several books to read, which have made me feel better and given me tips for once we start. I plan on getting into the routine next week. :( Tomorrow is Aeson's surgery follow-up appointment. I expect all to go well, since he has shown no more signs of any problems.

He seems to sleep better on nights he has had a bath. Last night, he slept four and a half hours in one stretch! I've tried the bedtime bath & lotion, but it makes him too sleepy to nurse fully and then he wakes frequently to begin nursing.. which resulted in less sleep for me! So I think we're done with that stuff for a while!

Oh! I had to put a bunch of Aeson's clothes away already. :( He's outgrown all the newborn ones. Some he only wore once. Luckily my sister just found out she's having a boy (yay!!), so my first little nephew will get to re-use some of the clothes.

hosted by Lerin at mycatholicfamily.blogspot.com

2 weeks left, 6 week checkup

Well, we're starting to get into a routine around here it seems like. It always get messed up if we leave for the day. I have to go back to work in two weeks too, which I'm dreading. My little 9 week old boy will be at daycare all day long. :( I'm not sure how nursing will go after that either. I'm going to continue as long as I can, but he already has problems after having a bottle, so I'm expecting he will after he eats from them all day. :(

I had my six week check-up this past week. Everything went well, which is good. I've come to dread doctor appointments, because it seems they've only brought bad news for the past several months. Anyway, I asked her about the probabilities of problems like we had in future pregnancies. She said the knot in the cord was just a freak thing.. In her 18 years, she's seen 10 of them- one of which was ours. She said the previa is also a random thing. If it should happen again, the only additional problem it could cause were if it were right behind my incision.. then that could mean problems for me but not for the baby. Then, she said there is actually less of a chance of getting pre-eclampsia again, as long as it is same mother and father. The chances of pre-eclampsia increase when it is a different father. She said there's some research being done about this. If you don't know, pre-eclampsia is much like the baby is 'poisoning' your body. I found it odd that your body would know that it was dealing with different chromosomes than it had previously.. and pretty interesting too. But biology or whatever needs to know that with me, the change in fathers was a GOOD thing. :)

6 weeks/ Balloon Glow

(Aeson at the Balloon Glow this past weekend)

Aeson is now 6 weeks old! He's been awake and alert more often during the day. His days/nights with nursing and fussiness continue to fluctuate. He was just back at the doctor today for thrush, so we're both being treated.. I think it will be nice when everything is gone and over with and we can hopefully settle into a normal nursing routine.. and hopefully he will be less fussy!

Aeson absolutely HATES having his diaper changed. He screams every single time.

Eric's family hosted a baby shower for us this past weekend, and it was wonderful. The only bad thing was that Aeson was hungry the whole time, so hardly anyone got to hold him! My mom did a wonderful job of keeping him quiet until I was done with gifts. We got lots of nice things.. My favorites are the handmade things.. blankets and such.

(Westen at the Balloon Glow)

We went to our town's annual Balloon Glow this past weekend. Westen was very excited and he loved watching them fly. When they all landed, he kept saying he didn't want them to pop!

This week, Westen's been busy playing outside in the dirt! He loves to dig with a shovel he has.

I just had to schedule his appointment for a flu shot, and I am absolutely dreading going. He hasn't had any shots in a long time and now he's old enough to actually know what's going on. It's going to be so sad!

By next week, I'm really hoping to start jotting things down that Westen says so I can record them in here. :)

Tiny Treasures Tuesday: 1 month

This photo was my poor little Aeson just after surgery. He is now over 1 month old. It was strange because he was sent to the hospital the first time on the fourth of August and this time it was the fourth of September. Let's hope everything is well on the 4th of October!

Aeson had his one month dr's appointment today. He weighed 9lbs, 4oz. He had been 9lbs, 6oz before the pyloric stenosis.. and then dropped down to 9lbs, 2oz while that was going on. He was 21.5 inches.. which leave both his height and weight around the 20th percentile. His little head was only in the 14th percentile! She said there's no way to account for his prematurity, so he's just going to be our little guy I think. :)

Our pediatrician showed me how to get him calmed down when he's upset. I cannot leave him ANYwhere without him crying! He can be sound asleep, but when I put him down he's awake within 5 minutes. The absolute only thing he'll tolerate sometimes is the Boppy.. thank GOODNESS for that thing!

It's so weird for me to have a blue eyed boy. I LOVE his eyes.. they're SO pretty. Having brown eyes myself and knowing they usually have dominance lead me to believe I'd never have a child with light eyes!

Aeson's doing so well with nursing now too. I'm so glad I didn't give up.

***

Westen is my little challenger right now! He thinks he knows everything and he will not stop arguing with you if you get started! Lately, he's been quick to tell people that Aeson doesn't talk when they try to talk to him.

Westen is always saying/asking the funniest things but by the time I go to write in here I can never remember them!

One thing he has been very 'into' lately is giving presents. He'll wrap things up in a Kleenex or envelope and give them to us as presents. :) He gets very excited about it too.

The past couple of nights, Westen has wanted to read the Halloween Clifford book each time. We went to a flea market thing this past weekend and he got a bunch of little pumpkins in his own bag that he has been playing with since. I think he's very excited for Halloween.

This past weekend too, his Uncle Eddie was teaching him how to throw a football. It was so cute, and I wish I'd taken my camera.

Pyloric Stenosis

Last Wednesday, Aeson started spitting up after he ate. He had NEVER spit up before.. none at all. Westen, on the other hand, used to spit up SO much with every single feeding. Most of his newborn clothes were ruined from it! This was different, though.. the consistency was different. I thought maybe I ate something that wasn't agreeing with Aeson or maybe he was just starting to spit up for some reason. On Thursday, the spit up changed consistency again. By afternoon, it was more like vomiting and quite forceful. I called the pediatrician at closing time and she told me to come in anyway.. It was odd that he would just start this out of the blue. She did an exam and said he looked well otherwise (the vomiting didn't even seem to bother him at that point either). She scheduled an upper GI for the following morning and said it could be two things- pyloric stenosis, which is when the muscles around one of your stomach openings enlarge and block food from going through, or it could be acid reflux (which is what Westen had).

As Thursday night wore on, the vomiting got worse. It was so forceful and really didn't stop. I continued to feed him because he was still hungry but I hated to at the same time because he just threw everything up. It would happen multiple times between feedings. We went through several outfit changes before deciding just to wrap him in a blanket.. and then proceeded to go through every single blanket he had. I knew this was totally different than what Westen had.. and I knew if it wasn't pyloric stenosis, something else was definitely wrong. We were up pretty much the entire night. I was too afraid to go to sleep and also too worried. I knew pyloric stenosis meant surgery.. my brother-in-law and my cousin both had it- and when they had surgery, the IV had to be put in their head, which also was freaking me out. I'd also looked it up online and it was very much Aeson.. all the symptoms.

Eric decided to stay home on Friday, just in case. We took Westen to school and went for the upper GI. I wasn't able to be with him during that, so that stunk.. but at least it was nothing bad. They sent us over to the pediatrician's office right afterwards and there she told us that it was pyloric stenosis and that they don't do surgery here.. so back to the children's hospital in Peoria we would have to go. She also said the radiologist had said his colon looked dilated.. which she said wouldn't be related to the pyloric stenosis, so she didn't know if it was something else or nothing at all.

So we all rushed around.. picking up Westen to see him before leaving him once again, getting clothes and things from home, getting Westen and the house key to my sister's, etc etc. And off we went to the hospital. Aeson hadn't been able to eat since 7:30 a.m. and they said not to feed him anymore.

We got there and got checked in. The doctors came immediately. We dealt with three different residents, the pediatric doctor, and the pediatric surgeon while we were there. It's amazing how many doctors are around that place. All have been wonderful too. They had to put an IV in him (but got it in his hand, thanks to us saying we'd rather it be somewhere other than his head!) and a tube down his nose again. :( It's absolutely terrible to watch your infant go through that. We got to hold him but there were several times when he was inconsolable. They scheduled a sonogram to look more clearly at the pyloric stenosis for 7am the following morning, with surgery to immediately follow.

This unit wasn't as nice as the NICU.. We found out we were to stay there, which was fine but that also meant the nurses weren't around like at all!

Saturday morning, Eric's parents got there before everything started. It was so nice of them to be there. We went in for the sonogram and the doctor showed us how thick the muscle was. We were then taken to surgery to wait, where we signed all the consents and waited with Aeson until it was time. As we had been reading through the paperwork on pyloric stenosis, it had the risks listed and at the end said 'Your infant may die.' Gah.. I know they have to include that, but that was pretty terrible to read.

While Aeson was in surgery, we had to wait in the waiting room. They had a neat system that updated you on what was going on though. The surgery took only about 15 minutes and the surgeon came to let us know everything went well afterwards. There was only a 1-2% chance the surgery wouldn't work. I got to go to recovery with him after that. He was still kind of out of it and crying the most pitiful little cry.

He then got to eat starting at noon and increase the amount every 3 hours. They said spitting up was normal but he actually didn't until the very last (and most) feeding. It was more like vomiting again but then he never did again through the night. I was able to nurse him after the initial three feedings.

He did very well, and we were able to get discharged the following morning. We have to follow up with the surgeon in 2 weeks. They really never said anything about the colon, although we kept asking! One resident had said it could be related to the pyloric stenosis.. and one talked to the surgeon and said they had noticed it but weren't worried about it.. that we can bring it up at our follow up appointment. One resident also heard a heart murmer at one point but then it went away when he moved.. which he said was normal.. but again, that worries me! Thank goodness everything went well, though. This is a relatively common thing, I think.

So now we're home and I feel like we're almost starting over again in some aspects. Aeson's seemed very well.. We give him Tylenol regularly, but he's seemed content and has had no more vomiting. He still acts like he's going to occasionally but nothing has come up. We go to his doctor tomorrow. They also confirmed his jaundice (which has still continued to some degree.. it seems to go up and down) is breastmilk jaundice.. because his score went down when he wasn't able to eat for that day. Once again, this is something that only occurs in less than 2% of babies.. It seems like everything has been that way with the pregnancy/birth.

Well, baby's up now. That's about the end of this story anyway. :)

Tiny Treasures Tuesday: 4 weeks

Aeson's due date was yesterday, and he turned 4 weeks old. Every day is different with him- some good, some not so good. :) I feed him 'on demand,' so sometimes it seems like all he does is nurse. After particularly rough nights I've wanted to give up, but I haven't yet (yay for me!). The bottles have decreased. I'm not sure why but sometimes those satisfy him more than I can. We're down to 1-2 (2.5 oz) bottles a day, though. He really is an eater! Sometimes he will eat 2 bottles fully, in addition to nursing!

Last night he had his first 'real' bath. He liked it too! Westen hated his first bath and cried the entire time, but Aeson didn't even fuss. I think he liked the sound of the water. :) He fell right to sleep after (in Daddy's arms), woke up to eat before bed, and then slept just over FIVE hours! It was very nice! It's amazing what those blocks of sleep can do for you!


Westen's falling into the big brother role very nicely. He's constantly going up to Aeson saying 'Hi baby brother!' and he often says how cute Aeson is. :) He's very interested in everything Aeson does.

Westen returned to school (daycare) one day last week. He did fine when I left, which was a huge relief to me. He's in a new room now (but with the same friends!), and they're having a preschool teacher come in for 3 hours every day. It looks like he will be learning a lot!

He's been quite dramatic lately, saying he will 'never get to do' something again or 'never have it again' when he loses something. It's quite funny. He's very interested in machines of all sorts and has been pretty excited to watch them working on our street lately.

Tiny Treasures Tuesday: Dr. Westen and 3 weeks old

I've already written one post today, but I want to start Tiny Treasures Tuesday (adopted from Lerin at mycatholicfamily.blogspot.com). This photo is from Westen's first visit to the NICU when Aeson was in there. Siblings had to wear a mask and while I thought Westen wouldn't want to, I was surprised to find out he loved it! He insisted he was the doctor, and he wanted to take the mask home. Lately, he's been very 'into' pretend. He is obsessed with Batman, Spiderman, and the Transformers. I don't think much time ever passes without him talking about them. :) He's gone between all three of them as his choice for Halloween costume, and I think he's decided on Optimus Prime. (Is that the correct name?? haha.. I don't watch any of this stuff!)

Westen's really adjusted well to Aeson being here. He was scared to touch or hold him at first but slowly he has started doing things.. kissing his head, holding him a couple of times. He wants Aeson to be able to talk to him. :) He always, always tells me when Aeson begins to cry (as if I can't hear him too :)). He loves helping by giving Aeson a bottle or binky, and he's been a HUGE help to me by getting things I/we need when my hands are occupied. Which brings me to a funny story.. The first time I went to nurse Aeson at home, Westen came up and yelled out 'Mom! I don't want him to eat you!!!' Oh my.. It still makes me laugh.

I haven't uploaded photos since we've been home and this is the best photo of Aeson's face from the hospital. I think I've already written mostly everything about Aeson. :) He's just over three weeks old now. I can't believe it's been that long already. I don't remember if I mentioned, but he has blonde hair and blue eyes.. really looks like his father and doesn't have any of my features, I don't think! I forgot to mention in the last post that the heart irregularities never showed up again after that first day either. I read that they can occur if there is a knot in the cord and it gets tightened during delivery.. so I wonder if that's what happened. Our little lucky, lucky boy. All he really does so far is sleep and eat (constantly!), with a few wakeful periods during the day/night. He gets hiccups constantly (multiple times a day), just as he did in the womb. His most wakeful time is always when we're going to bed, also just as it was in the womb! He's a sweet, sweet baby.

Hospital days and adjustment

So Aeson ended up in NICU for eleven days. The doctor assigned to him was actually the medical director of the NICU, so that was nice. Eric's parents visited frequently. Westen got one visit. (The place isn't very family friendly.. I suppose because of germs and so on) At first, Aeson was getting oxygen through a CPAP, he had a feeding tube in (and actually lost none of his weight going the first couple days with no food-- they explained it takes too much work for them to eat), he had an IV in his little hand, and his little heels were frequently stuck to test for jaundice. His jaundice score fluctuated the entire time we were there. He had to go under the 'bili' lights three times.. during which his eyes were covered by a little mask and we were unable to hold him. We didn't even get to hold him for the first time until either my first or second day there. It's sort of all a blur now. I kept everyone regularly updated on facebook, so all the details are there. Eric and I stayed in hotels, as the hospital was an hour and a half away from home. Westen was perfectly fine staying with the grandparents, but it was still very hard for me emotionally to be away from him for so long. We made a couple trips home but then I felt bad being away from Aeson. It was all very rough, especially the days before Aeson really started to get better. Eric and I got along better than ever up there, though, and I was glad he was the one I had to go through this with. My healing was rough the first couple of days but by a week out I was on no pain medication and really felt like I hadn't even just had a baby! (Except for the weight! ..which unfortunately many people mistook for me still being pregnant.. That was a little hard to deal with too in those first days without my baby there with me to show that no I was no longer pregnant) Aeson got better little by little each day. They eventually began bottle feeding but had to keep the tube in until he really got the hang of it. They eased the oxygen off little by little and after my first day there they had changed his mask to a much better kind. He was on a 3 hr schedule and except for at night, we were there for pretty much every diaper change and feeding. (And got to do them all!) By the end of his time there, the only thing that was holding us back was the jaundice. They actually kept him one day longer than they said they would (which resulted in another emotional breakdown for me :)) because of it.

BUT, we finally got to bring him home. That was the best day ever. Westen rode up with us and they had him all ready so it was a very quick in and out! I had to take him the next day to get yet another jaundice test (after which his dr here decided no more!) and just over the weekend at home he gained 5 oz and was up to 7lbs, 10oz. He went back to the doctor yesterday for a weekly weight check and he was up to 8lbs, 8oz.. He gained 14oz in a week! They'd told us to expect an ounce a day. :)

It's been an adjustment since being home. It's much more difficult taking care of two kids than I thought it would be! I'm extremely thankful that while Eric works long days, he only works three a week, so he's home to help the majority of the time. We've had some visitors but not really too many. My sister and her husband have been over every day to see their newest little nephew. :)

Nursing has been pretty rough. While Aeson was in the hospital, I pumped regularly so that's what Aeson always had.. but through a bottle. I was also producing 2-3 times what he was eating. Since being home, we've tried decreasing the bottles but he still has 3-4 a day (2.5 ounce bottles). I've tried just nursing him and it has definitely increased but there are certain times where he still cries afterwards like he's hungry and I'm just too exhausted. My goal was to solely breastfeed, but I'm not so sure anymore. It's very frustrating. :( I'm just so darn tired.. and he nurses every 1-2 hours sometimes! I am glad we've decreased the bottles, though. We'll see how we continue to progress. I've been in contact with a lactation consultant here and she's been over once. Some of the things I've learned have been helpful but some things seem so conflicting.

I seem to have completely forgotten about the sleep deprivation as well! Or maybe Westen slept better, I'm not sure. Aeson seems to be spoiled already too with being on us 24/7! ..Which results in him crying when he's put in his bassinet and sleeping much better when he's in bed with us.. BUT that scares me to death too. Gah.. the days of adjustment are so hard!

However, Aeson's healthy and doing well and nothing is wrong with him.. so that's what's important! We'll all adjust.. eventually. :)

Aeson's birth & the last two weeks

We're finally home, so I finally have time to write about Aeson's birth and the last (almost) 2 weeks!

I couldn't sleep at all the night before going in for the scheduled C-section. I was so nervous. They'd called to ask me to come in at six and we ended up getting up around 4 a.m., I think, just because we couldn't sleep. We arrived at the hospital a little early and the nurse got me all prepped. IV's and cath's stink.. they were the worst part. It was a new girl taking my blood too so that also wasn't fun. Add all this in with my nerves and I wasn't in the best of moods! My doctor came in to do one last sonogram to make sure Aeson was still breech, which he was. The whole morning went so fast after that. They wheeled me down to the surgery waiting area after I was all ready and Eric was able to wait with me. The anesthesiologist came in and asked me lots of questions. It was freezing in there which again combined with the nervousness made me shake. Doctor checked with me one more time and then they came to wheel me into the surgery room. Eric had to wait outside and when the midwife came in my room, she said his eyes were huge and she thought he was more nervous than I was. :) (Up until that point, he'd insisted he WASN'T nervous) There were two anesthesiologists.. one a nurse, one a doctor. The nurse tried to get the spinal in first. I'd been nervous about this, but they'd put something on my back already to numb it and I couldn't really feel anything. He did have trouble getting it in so I felt a pinching on each side as he was trying, but that was it. The doctor then tried and got it right in. Yay! I'd been soo nervous it wouldn't work and I'd have to be put to sleep for the birth. I didn't get an epidural with Westen so I had no idea what to expect, but the two men doing it were WONDERFUL. They told me everything to expect and just their manner was fantastic. I started to get warm and numb from my feet up. The midwife talked to me and explained what was dull versus sharp pain. They then laid me back, put oxygen on, and it seemed everybody came in at once. The room is FULL during a C-section! There were nurses.. the two anesthesiologists.. the pediatrician.. the OB doc.. the midwife. Eric got to come in at that point too and they'd put a sheet up so we couldn't see what was going on. When the doctor started, I couldn't feel a thing. As they kept working, there was some movement of my body I could feel but no pain or anything like that whatsoever. Not even dull. They said at first that Aeson had lots of hair.. and that he was almost head down.. and then they said there was a knot in the umbilical cord and everything got kind of rushed after that. I had no clue what that meant, quickly asking 'is that bad?' to which the doctor said 'it can be!' in a voice that didn't reassure me at all. I didn't ask anymore questions because it was at that point that Eric and I both got pretty scared I think. We heard a couple of cries, which relieved us somewhat, and when they got him out they held him over the curtain for a minute before saying he needed some oxygen and taking him over to his doctor. Eric stayed with me while they were working on him.. They used one of those things (not sure what it's called) to help him start breathing and while it seemed like FOREVER, I guess they had him breathing within two minutes. The anesthesiologists were the ones keeping me informed, which again they were SO wonderful about. As far as me, surgery went perfect. My blood pressure from the pre-eclampsia dropped so much when they took Aeson out that they actually had to give me something to boost it. I guess a lot of people feel sick or vomit during a C-section too and I had none of that. Back to Aeson.. his Apgar score at one minute was only a '2' but by five minutes it was an 8. Eric went over to see him once they had him breathing and they brought him over by me quickly before taking him to the nursery. I had to go to recovery for an hour, but they didn't make me stay quite that long. I had them call to check on Aeson once too.

We didn't find out until later (because they didn't do too much right away b/c of the problems) that Aeson weighed 7lbs, 5oz.. at four full weeks early!! He was 20 inches long and he was born at exactly 9a.m. We also found out later that the knot in the cord could have lead to his death. The doctor didn't think it had been there for long, though, and it hadn't tightened. I don't even know how to express my feelings about this.. It's extremely scary.. and makes me extremely thankful actually that I did have pre-eclampsia making him come early.. and thankful too that we decided to go with C-section instead of trying to turn him (which could have tightened it). I'm so thankful for how things turned out, even with how the next week proceeded.

I didn't get to see Aeson when I got back. He was in the nursery hooked up to things and getting oxygen. They explained they couldn't feed him because it requires too much work for him. I was still numb so I couldn't get up to go in there.. and he couldn't be brought out. Eric continually checked on him, though. I finally got to go in later that night but of course there was no holding. He was getting better on the oxygen and they expected him to throughout the night. Then, about 2:30 a.m., we were woken up by the pediatrician saying they'd had to give him more oxygen and she thought he should be transferred to the children's hospital about an hour and a half away. They were going to fly him by helicopter but it was foggy and stormy out, so they ended up taking him by ambulance. We went in and stayed with him until the last minute. It was so scary when they took him because he was in this box thing, hooked up to so much. They'd also discovered a heart irregularity. Eric and his parents left when they did to head up there. I cried in my room all morning after that. I ended up not able to leave that day, but I was able to leave by Wednesday.

Time to feed us and baby.. I'll finish the rest of the story later.

August 3rd

I forgot to say that when the OB first came into the room the other day I was having a contraction and my stomach looks really funny when that happens. The doctor started laughing and called in both his nurse and the midwife to look! The midwife said it looks like he's standing in there. :) And the doctor said he's never seen a baby look like that that wasn't a multiple. So I don't know what's going on in there, but they sure found it humorous!

So the doctor called yesterday to say my levels were up but still in the mild range.. which is good but we're still going ahead with delivery on Monday. I told him my thoughts regarding which decision to make and he said that while they're low, I do have to be comfortable with the risks of turning Baby. Which I'm not. He still wouldn't say he recommended one over the other, but he said he thought most people would choose the scheduled C-section. So that's what we did.

We go in Monday (tomorrow..yikes!) at 7am. He has another surgery before mine, so he said it would probably be about 9am when he does mine. I asked him about the risks with my scoliosis (curved spine) and getting the spinal and he said there aren't more risks.. They just can't get it to WORK in some cases. If that happens, I'd have to be put out. :( I do want to be awake when he's born.

I'm very, very nervous. Everyone's been praying for calmness and for everything to go well. I'm scared to death of major surgery. I think I'm even more scared of the spinal and of everything being okay with Baby after all this stuff. It will be a huge relief if the spinal works and Baby comes out perfect.

So please.. have us in your thoughts and/or prayers.

Big decision

Had a dr's appt today.

Lost 3lbs. Yay! I weigh less now than I have in at least 3 weeks.

Bottom number was 85 for bp.. It had been above 90 when I had to go to the hospital last week but then dropped into the 70's and had stayed there- even with the bad protein levels.

If my levels stay in the pre-eclamptic range (evidenced by my tests tomorrow morning), they'll induce on Monday. I expect them to since they haven't gone back to non-preeclampsia levels all week.

Which is good news right? We'll have a baby on Monday!

But not exactly...

They did another sonogram to see if he was head down (after feeling my belly bunches, which was NOT comfortable!) and he is not head down like they thought. He's breech.

So by tomorrow, when he calls with the test results, we have to decide from the following two options:

1) Go in Monday for a C-section early that morning. I'd know what would happen.. It seems to be the safest given the risks I'll talk about in a minute.. and it would be over quickly. However, I'm scared to DEATH of a C-section. I don't want the needle in my back.. I don't want to be lying there while they cut me open.. I don't want to have a scar forever.. and I don't want to go through the long, painful healing process.

or

2) Go in Monday, be monitored, by mid-morning have the doctor try to manually turn Aeson, and if that works be induced. The doctor has turned other babies and has never had anything bad happen but there are risks.. the baby could be injured or the placenta could become detached. (which may be more of a risk for me because of my low-lying placenta) There's also a chance it won't work and we'd have to have the C-section anyway. I've read there's anywhere from a 50-80% success rate. If something should happen during the turning, I think that would mean emergency C-section too, which means being put under and Eric not being there. (Planned, I would be awake and Eric would be there.. but there would still be an hour recovery by myself :() Or it could work and I could have a natural birth.. that may be a little worse he said just because Baby isn't head down and therefore there's been no pressure on my cervix or anything, allowing it to thin.

So those are our two options. At first I was leaning more toward trying the turning and natural. I'd love to have another natural birth just like Westen's. I didn't even get an epidural and the whole needle in my back FREAKS me out! (Plus I have a curved spine.. possibly more risks) I can't imagine CHOOSING surgery.

But then I think I'm choosing my own fears/anxiety over what's best for the baby. I may regret not trying first.. but I'd regret even more if something DID go wrong and Baby was injured. There are risks with C-sections too, though.. but moreso with me than the baby.

So I have no idea what to do.. I've talked to everyone and it seems like people are leaning more toward scheduled C-section. They all know I have to make the decision for myself, though. The thought of the healing.. the scar.. the pain.. I just can't stand it.

But I almost feel like I'm going against what nature's telling me.. with first the previa, now the position and pre-eclampsia.. if I don't choose C-section.

It's too difficult of a decision.

The doctor wouldn't give his recommendation. He said both are options and he wouldn't give them as options if he didn't feel they really were. He's a good doctor and I trust him.. but I've also been in the minority with all of this going on and feel that just because nothing's gone wrong so far, it doesn't mean it won't with me. I mean really.. I wonder how many people he's had with ALL of this!

I just want to be home with my baby.. both of us healed and healthy.

Pregnancy Problems & Adoption!

Big update!

Last Friday, I was supposed to have my 34.5 week appt.. They called because they had a couple cancellations and wanted to know if I could come in sooner. I rushed out, thinking it'd be the usual 5 minute appointment and I'd be back to work in 15 minutes or so. When I got there, my weight had only gone up 2lbs this time and the nurse took my vitals. Soon the midwife came in and said my blood pressure was high.. She repeated it and it was still high. They didn't tell me what it was but said I'd be going over to the hospital for monitoring. I really wasn't worried and felt silly being wheeled over in a wheelchair. Blood pressure was still high when I arrived (the bottom number was 92 or 94.. can't remember) and the baby wasn't moving much. It wasn't too long before my bp went down to normal but they still weren't getting the heartrate accelerations that come from movements from baby. They finally did and we got to go home a couple of hours after arriving there. Eric works 45 minutes away which we're finding really inconvenient with this pregnancy! Luckily he got off early that day and got to the hospital for about the last half.

They sent me with a 24 hour urinalysis, which I started that afternoon and took in Saturday afternoon. Westen stayed with my mom Friday night and ended up staying most of the weekend, which was very helpful and he LOVES it out there. About an hour after I'd taken the UA in, I paged the midwife as I was told and she said she'd look up my results and call me back. I'd been going about my regular activities all that day and had just gotten all ready to go to a play in Eric's hometown that evening. Sharie (midwife) called me back and said my levels were 333 (I've since found out 'normal' is 0-150) and that we would be delivering the baby if I was 36 weeks.. but since I'm not, she put me on strict bedrest and said we can monitor it for a bit. She said to lie on my side and only get up to go to the bathroom.. to eat meals in a recliner, limiting my sitting time.

I was pretty upset after that.. I've read about pre-eclampsia (although she hasn't actually said those words to me) and it can be so scary. And while I've been wanting more rest, lying in bed 24/7 does not at ALL appeal to me. Especially day after day. I'm still scared to death of birth.. of Aeson not being developed.. etc, etc. It has been one bad thing after another with this pregnancy, each of which only happens to a very small percentage of people and each of which I have had NONE of the risk factors for. It blows my mind. I'm not a very 'positive' person (I think of myself as more 'realistic') and I just don't see how birth could go well after pretty much nothing has this entire time. I hate even typing this but death has been a risk with each thing I've had and I'm scared to DEATH of that happening. Literally terrified. I can't imagine leaving my two boys.. and Eric. And pre-eclampsia is also the leading cause of death of the baby as well.

Anyway, I don't know if it was my own anxiety or what, but it felt like my headache got worse as the evening wore on and I just didn't feel 'right.' I called the midwife, who told me to go in and be monitored again. It wasn't as long this time, as everything checked out normal and they've said baby looks good each time. I forgot to say that at my appointment, the midwife agreed with thinking Aeson IS head down now!

Bloodwork came back actually better than the day before (it had come back fine then), and they sent me with another 24 hour UA. I got those results back yesterday and while they didn't tell me the exact numbers, they did say it had gotten better so to continue bedrest and start yet another 24 hour UA & bloodwork the following day. So that's where I am now.

Let me tell you.. bedrest SUCKS! Especially as I'm at the end of my pregnancy and want everything to be clean and done. Eric's been very helpful about some things but he has gotten frustrated with everything as well.. which then upsets me. While it's obviously helping the diagnosis I have, it seems it's making things more painful for me. It hurts so badly when I get up or move now and I think it's from my body being at rest so much now.

I have an appointment on Friday with the OB, so I'm going to ask what the 'plan' is. I want more than anything for Aeson to be fully developed and ready to come.. but at the same time, I can't imagine weeks more of bedrest.. and that's scary financially too, as I'm off work now because of this. His health is definitely most important, though.

My family and friends have been amazing since. Mom has watched Westen a lot, most people have brought us food, a couple friends have visited (one bringing reading material :)), and it's just so appreciated.. I wish I could express to them just how much.

***

Other big piece of news.. I had been waiting weeks to hear back from my attorney after calling her and suddenly yesterday, she calls! ..Informing me that Wes had finally shown up at court (I hadn't even known there'd been a date) and that he signed the papers, giving up all rights forever and irrevocably. I was shocked. I still am in shock. I can't believe he actually DID IT. And not due to any actions of mine.. He just decided to do it earlier this summer and sent my lawyer a letter saying so and then now signed the papers. I am very happy and relieved.. He will never be able to come in and out of Westen's life, and I will never again have to worry about Westen going to him or being influenced by him. But at the same time, I can never understand how parents can do that and it will be very hard to explain to Westen when he's older. I am happy that we're all a family now.. a real family. Eric, the only dad he has ever known, is now the only dad he will ever have. There are a few very simple things we have to go through but the adoption will be final in 30 days or so.

Nine months seems so long!

The photos are an early snapshot of the ones taken at my session last weekend. A photographer Eric's parents know needed a pregnant model, so she did the session at no charge and is giving us one free enlarged photo.. and then doing our newborn shots for free and giving us 10 free birth announcements! I think I got the better end of the deal. :) The photos are so cute.. I love them and can't wait to see the rest. I didn't get pregnant ones taken with Westen, and I'm very glad I did this time.

I'm 34 1/2 weeks pregnant now. And ready to go too!!! I'm sure the rest of the time will fly by, but I really cannot wait to have Aeson HERE. I've felt a little different lately.. not as much appetite, a little more energy, much more emotional, and the baby hasn't been moving as much. I called the doctor because it was such a drastic change. He went from constantly kicking, nudging, etc to barely moving at all and when he does, it's just little tiny nudges that I almost wonder if I really felt or not. A couple of nights/mornings, I drank a lot and laid on my side and he did move 10 times within in hour each time.. but unless I do that, there's really not much movement. He used to move all night long, especially when I'd change position, and always after eating.. and now there's just nothing. It doesn't seem right to me, but the midwife said it's fine. She said they would be happy with even 10 movements a day. I've heard differing things about movement too.. one that they get big and run out of room and also that once they're head down, they don't move as much.. and two that they should not change patterns or have a decrease in movement at all before birth. I have a dr's appt on Friday, so I'll talk to her more in person then.

32 week appt and other updates

I am getting huge.. beyond huge! I feel like I'm going to blow up! My feet have been SO swollen lately too.. They hurt pretty badly last night.

First of all, big news from my dr's appt! I went today (32 weeks, 4 days) to have the sonogram done to look specifically at the cervix and placenta. He showed me the cervix... then an appendage of the baby's that was right there by my cervix :) (it looked like a foot to me)... and then the placenta. He measured, and the placenta is 3 centimeters from my cervix!!! 3 centimeters does not seem very much at ALL to me, but he seemed confident that we will be able to try a vaginal birth. He said I may have some marginal bleeding during birth but otherwise, everything should be fine. AND there's no chance of it moving back down. I also finally asked him if this would be more likely in future pregnancies and he said no- it's just basically a random thing. So that makes me feel lots better too! So NO C-SECTION!!! You have absolutely no idea how relieved I am.. AND all of my restrictions have now been lifted!! I feel like I can actually halfway get back to my normal self. I wanted a birth like Westen's so badly with this one and now hopefully I will have it! I gained another 5lbs this time.. in 2 weeks! :S I blame that mostly on eating out. We've (correction-- Eric) been re-doing our kitchen floor.. sanding, staining, and polyurethaning it and so we haven't been able to walk on it and therefore have done a lot of eating out! This leaves me 6lbs shy of the weight I gained with Westen, and I'm pretty sure that over the next 5 weeks I will gain more than that! Wow, that's crazy to think Aeson could be here in 5 weeks. (Westen was born at 38 weeks) My blood pressure was like 130 something over 80 something. Aeson's heartrate was 123. I asked if that was okay, because it seemed low to me. Doc said it's fine, though. Westen's heartrate was always much faster than this baby's has been.

Oh! Aeson is still transverse, though. Every once in a while, I am certain that his head is down (I can tell because he gets hiccups ALL the time) but he always moves back. I just read through old diary entries and Westen was also transverse all the way up until the very end (even at 37 weeks, they weren't sure if he was head down or not), so I'm hoping this one will be the same. My doctor said we could try to move him if he doesn't do it on his own.. I've heard that's incredibly painful, though, and has risks involved. So hope for me that he will turn around!!

I feel like he's already so big.. He's getting so heavy the bottom of my belly is sore a good majority of the time. When he moves, I can also feel him from the very top to the very bottom of my stomach and from the farthest areas of each side.

Job-wise, they figured out a way to keep us all full-time for July at least. We have no idea what will happen in August. The state still has not come up with ANY sort of budget and the fiscal year started on the first. They're going back on the 14th and hopefully we'll know then.

Nothing new as far as court is concerned. He either hasn't shown up or has rescheduled every time. I'm waiting on a call back from my lawyer now to go over our options from here.

Speaking of, we ran directly into him at Walmart two nights ago. We were coming out of an aisle just as he and his g/f were walking by. (We could have ran into them) Not a word was said, of course. I told Eric that what I think is even worse than him seeing his son and not saying a single thing or acknowledging him at ALL is that Westen sees him as a stranger.. He has no clue who he is. We, of course, have continued to hear absolutely nothing from him or his family.

Westen has been such a doll lately but also SO ..I'm not even sure what word to use! If he does something he knows he'll get in trouble for, he'll hide it (even right in front of us!) or SWEAR that he didn't do it. He's said that monsters do it. Most of it is silly stuff he probably wouldn't even get in trouble for but thinks he would for some reason! Last night, he had just woken up from a nap and we were on our way to my sister's house.. He said he didn't want to take a nap there, and I told him he didn't have to because he'd just taken one.. A couple minutes later he yawned and then immediately said 'That wasn't me. I'm not tired.' haha. It's so funny because in his little brain he probably thinks we'll believe it/won't see it/etc. :) He's such a good boy.. so intelligent.. always apologizing when he does something bad.. and is SO loving (always one kiss and two hugs!).. I've found myself wondering how much this baby will differ from him. I do wonder what life will be like having two children, but I have had none of the thoughts like 'how could I love another child' and that kind of thing that people say happens frequently.. I love Westen more than anyone in the world, and I'm certain that I will feel the exact same way about this one- and therefore both of them at the same time. I have no doubt I have enough love. :)