All over the place

There are always so many things to write about, and I rarely find the time to actually write!

It is winter here. Dead winter. I hate it! This winter has seemed to drag on forever and we have had more snow than I think we have ever had. There's been a snow day practically every week since I started the home daycare. I'm MORE than ready for spring-time and summer! I can't wait to smell the freshness of outdoors and be able to go outside to play. I think we're going to try a garden this year too, so I'm excited about that.

I am, however, SO thankful for all the time I'm getting with my kiddos. You really have no idea how much you miss out on until you're home with them. That's the plus side. The negative side is.. I can't wait to get back into school or SOMETHING! This waking up thinking of what I need to clean and do around the house thing is not quite for me. I like doing it.. I love having the time to have a clean house.. and I will never again work outside the home until my kids are in school.. but I NEED something more. Something that stimulates my brain.. makes me think.. challenges me. I've been thinking of picking up new hobbies too.

My anxiety (or that's what I'm calling it anyway) is getting irritating! I just talked to my mom for quite a while about it and hers started this way too. I have thoughts pop into my head almost constantly about bad things happening. There was one primary thing after Westen was born that I worried about ALL the time, but that was it. Since Aeson, it happens ALL the time. I almost envision.. without seeing if that makes sense.. horrible things happening. Like I'll be driving and I'll imagine myself in a crash. Or Westen will be playing near Aeson and I'll imagine him falling on him, hurting him seriously. It's not that I WANT these things to happen.. I would DIE if they ever did. And that's what I think it comes from. I think they're my greatest fears because I have so much now that is SO dear to me. I also know how quickly it can all be over.

I was saddened this week by reading two blog posts. First, I read the beautiful story of a mom having a Down's Syndrome baby and not knowing it until she first saw her. It was beautifully written and reminded me that I am not the only one whose 'plan' changed.. who things happened differently than expected for.. and, of course, it made me feel lucky. Later this week, I read about a childhood case of cancer. That one hit home the most with me, as Aeson is at a much higher risk of developing cancer than average children. It makes me so, so sad for that family and for that little girl. I can't even begin to imagine and I tear up every time I think of it. I've been praying hard for them. This too makes me SO thankful that Aeson's monitoring continues to come back normal. He, in fact, had a sonogram earlier this week and it came back just fine. Thank you God.

So sorry to be all over the place! That's what happens when you don't write regularly!