Random thoughts

Aeson started waving this week. He's also made progress on the crawling and while he can't yet get up on all fours or move forward, he does scoot backward. :) He's tried some new (more 'adult') foods this week and isn't sure about a lot of the textures. He's currently dancing to music on the tv and shaking a rattle.. I love him!

Had a LLL meeting this week. I always learn so much from them, and I enjoy seeing the other moms and their babies! I'm definitely getting used to caring for so many children, but I *SO* miss adult interaction! Most moms there said they lost most their weight the second year of breastfeeding.. I certainly hope that's true for me! (Well, they said it was just more gradual the first year and then really came off the second) Eric gets frustrated with my negative self-view, but I just want my body back!

I'm not sure how long I'll nurse. Aeson still relies on it so much.. It will be very hard to break him! (And it will break my heart too, I'm sure!) He still nurses through the night, so my cycle has yet to return. It's been nice having it gone for 18 months!

I've changed so much from Westen to Aeson. I didn't stick with breastfeeding (didn't ask for help), gave immunizations, and let him cry when it came to Westen. I feel so bad about all of that! I'm proud of successfully nursing Aeson (I've learned so much about formula!!), I'm SO strongly against vaccinations now that I've done the research, and I *never* let Aeson cry. It's so weird how little ole me (the same person) could be so different in just the span of a few years. It's making me question nearly everything and not really believe fully in anything anymore, because it seems that I find out contradictory stuff all the time.

Speaking of changing, while cleaning my room the other day I came across letters and cards from my prior relationship (marriage if you want to call it that). It's so strange how I barely even remember that as MY life.. just doesn't seem real. It still brought tears to my eyes, knowing how strongly I felt and the things I believed then. I saved a few of them, just so Westen can know he was conceived by people who really did at least think they loved each other.

Time to feed baby!