12 week appointment

We had our regular appointment with the midwife today. I've been reading more about the risks of repeat c-sections and how minimal risks are with vbac's, so I was really re-thinking our decision to go there. I still do feel it is the right decision, but I just want a vbac so badly (I think).

Anyway, we had our sonogram first. They do one at 12 weeks to determine due date and because they can see all the parts of the baby & for example, there are four main things they look at that indicate Down's Syndrome. Anyway, we got to see our little baby for a whole 30 minutes. The tech took TONS of pictures and sent 21 of them home with us on a cd. The first thing that showed up was baby's legs and they looked really long! Baby was lying sideways, with his/her head on my right side. Baby (sorry for all the references to 'baby'.. unsure what else to call it!) crossed his/her legs and arched his/her back and kind of wiggled around. I was amazed at all you could see at 12 weeks! We got to see both parts of the legs, arms, the hands, feet, spine, etc. The heartrate was 160bpm. It was so, so cool to see our sweet baby for that long! She said baby was measuring about 6 centimeters long and weighing in at 2 ounces. She did get measurements of the fibroid and they will continue to monitor that. My placenta was also low-lying, but they said it's too early to tell if it will remain that way or move up. I'm hoping it will move up like with Aeson! Only the tip was over the cervix, so we'll see how it looks again at our next sono. We also got to see the new hospital, which is super nice!

After the sonogram, we headed to the doctor's office. Urine and blood pressure were great. I'd gained a pound since my last appointment, which makes .7 lb's overall for the whole first trimester. Yay! I felt like I'd gained a lot more! Lila (the midwife) gave us a packet of information and went over every single thing with us! Lots of nutrition and other info. They also have baby classes starting soon, which cover prenatal exercise, baby massage, signing, and lots more. (So much more than what our old hospital did!) She teaches them herself, and I think I will end up going to some of them! We asked the questions we had, and I just continue to be amazed at how long she spends with us.. how thoroughly she explains things and answers our questions.. and how much just information she gives us! We were used to being handed the bag and being at 10 minute long appointments where my vitals were looked at and that was it. I just can't say enough about the place!

Lila also said that if at 35 weeks, everything looks great and it looks like I could proceed with a VBAC, we can see if the doctor here will take me back. He typically will until the last month, I guess. Then, she even said if I would end up needing a C-section after that point, I could STILL go back to them & have it done there! She's pretty amazing! She also mentioned that if I should go into pre-term labor (which I could from the fibroid or who knows what else), I would be sent to Peoria & they would likely let me do a VBAC there.. She said we'll see whatever's in God's plan! I for sure don't want another pre-term birth, but I hadn't even thought about that as something that could happen.

I also asked her about the risks of multiple c-sections, as we're not positive we want this to be our last, but it does get more worrisome with each additional one. She agreed that it does but said she's seen many people have multiple ones, the doctor doesn't put a limit on it, and she even has a daughter who has had two and she's hoping will go for a third so she can have another grandbaby! She also said my headaches are likely just from the rise in hormones.

So, I felt much better at the end, and I am more than comfortable with our decision. There are still possible options, which I like, but even if not, I am sure that there is the place I want to be! I'm anxious to go over all the info she gave us more indepth tonight!

Oh, I almost forgot! Baby was also measuring big! That was a relief, because I knew the fibroid could affect that. Anyway, the tech said she was very conservative because she was trying to get as close to the date we'd told her as possible, but even with that, it was measuring at 12 weeks, 6 days with a due date of February 24. Lila said she's going to keep my due date as what I had, which was February 29, because even if baby is ahead, he/she will just be that much more developed if we should do the c-section at 39 weeks.

We also received some worrisome news while we were there, though. Aeson had his sonogram and bloodwork done yesterday and the AFP (alpha fetaprotein from the bloodwork) came back elevated. I don't remember what it had been, but it was 11.3. She wants to re-test in a month because of that, but I'm going to call tomorrow to find out what it had been last and also to see if we can re-test in 2-3 weeks instead. A month will seem like forever! For those who don't know much about this, it basically could indicate tumor growth, and they grow rapidly with the syndrome Aeson has. Bloodtests are usually the first indicator. The sonogram came back normal, which is great on one hand but I also read that they will do that sometimes, even if there is one because the liver is hard to see. Anyway, we're hoping and praying it's just a fluke and his levels will be back down to normal when we go again. I'd appreciate all the prayers we can get from everyone else too!

Niabi Zoo, Mini Golfing, and Letterboxing

Last Thursday, Eric had the day off and the high was only in the low 80's, so we decided to head to the zoo! We went to the Niabi Zoo, near the Quad Cities, which we'd never been to before. One of the first stops inside the zoo was the bird house, where you got to feed nectar to the birds. Westen was too nervous to, so Eric did it. He ended up having 3 birds on him at one time. One was even pulling at his shirt! Aeson LOVED it, and it was probably one of the neatest things there. We spent the morning looking at animals.. Westen asked lots of questions and Aeson squealed a lot. :) We'd brought a picnic lunch that we had there & the kids got to play on the playground. After lunch, we went on a train ride around the zoo, which both kids had been looking forward to since we'd arrived. We finished walking around the zoo afterwards and ended the day with the carousel. Westen chose the gorilla, and Aeson chose a cat (but then got upset he couldn't ride the "neigh neigh" afterwards!). We stopped at the gift shop before leaving, where each of them chose a t-shirt and Westen got a huge pencil to draw with and a flashlight with glow in the dark bugs, while Aeson chose a cup and a zoo animal set. They've both played with the set a lot, and Westen loves to draw with his big pencil!

The weather here is been amazing (around 80 degrees, sunny w/ a nice breeze).. not too hot, and not too chilly! I've been enjoying just sitting outside, and our nightly walks are a lot nicer!

On Saturday, we took the kids mini golfing. It was Aeson's first time. He did really well! Eric tried showing him how to hit the ball, but he spent most of the time walking around looking at everything or watching us. He never got ahead or behind and never touched anyone else's ball! Westen LOVED played and can't wait to go again. Afterwards, we watched Eric hit some balls in the batting cages and let the kids play on the little playground there. We finished up the night by going out for pizza. We have a place here that has a room for the kids to play in while the pizza's cooking, so that's nice! Poor Westen wasn't feeling well after all of this, so he came home & went to bed. (He woke up fine too, so I'm not sure what that was all about!) Aeson also woke up several times in the night crying, so I think his little legs hurt!

Sunday, Eric had the day off again, so we decided to go letterboxing. If you don't know what this is, you should google it! You basically print out clues & follow them to find a box which holds a pad of paper that everyone who finds it stamps in. It's neat to see where people come from! We did several last year, but Aeson was usually asleep in the van, so this year was his first time being involved. We went to a local lake where there were supposed to be 6, but one of the clues was missing & one went from that one, so that left 4. We only found two of them! We had a good time hiking the trails, though, and while Aeson did want carried quite a bit, both he and Westen enjoyed it! Luckily none of us got any poison ivy or anything!

Hospital Choices

I am feeling much better about things! I got school figured out, so that was a huge relief. I'm now registered for all my classes.. two online health classes, anatomy & physiology, and chemistry. I have two morning classes and two evening classes. I'm looking forward to starting and getting into a routine! I'm so thankful I'm still able to go. I was pretty upset when I thought I couldn't!

Yesterday was my appointment with the midwife in Carthage. After hearing about the different labor positions, the delayed cord clamping, and other wonderful things she does, I was so looking forward to a VBAC there, as long as we liked her and felt comfortable, since we'd never been there.

We first met the nurse, who was completely sweet. She was talkative and friendly, asking questions about our other children and things like that.. things that she didn't NEED to know but still asked about. We felt very comfortable! Then, I found out they're unable to do VBAC's at that hospital. Apparently they used to and insurance stopped them from doing it, because all the hospitals in the surrounding area weren't doing them, and they felt if something would go wrong, it would come back very bad on this small hospital when all the larger ones around weren't even performing them. This is beyond frustrating to me, because from all the studies that have been done, VBAC's are proven safer than C-sections, particularly repeat C-sections AND they're even recommending nationwide to do VBAC's if patients qualify in order to bring the c-section rate down. Anyway, at that point, we felt like just going home and like it had been a waste of our time there.

Then we met the midwife. She too was AMAZING. She sat and talked to us for over a half hour about our options, addressing our concerns and making sure all our questions were answered. She told us of several people she knew who had gone to our hometown for a VBAC & some had been successful, some not. The ones who had had been pleased with their experience. She said we could go back there and act like we'd never been to her office, we could receive care here & then go back to her office if we found out we had to have a c-section- or even for postpartum care, we could try to receive care through her & then see if the office here would accept us at the end if it looked like a VBAC was possible, or we could go there for care & have a scheduled c-section. She did describe how family friendly the birthing is, even if it is a c-section. They lay the baby with the momma right after it's born, rather than whisk it away.. and while they still don't allow baby in recovery, the dad and baby go back to the birthing room the parents were orginally in, rather than off to a nursery. The baby rooms in 24/7, and they are huge breastfeeding promoters. If something bad should happen, they use the same 'go to' hospital as ours here does- the one Aeson stayed at for 10 days.

So, we left there with absolutely no clue what to do. Eric said he was leaning toward there, because he felt it would be a better experience, and I definitely agreed with that. It is hard for me to imagine choosing surgery, especially when it may not be needed.. but then again, I may have to have one anyway, for one reason or another. I really couldn't imagine having to have one and not having gone there for care either.

We faced this same decision basically with Aeson, and we decided C-section. During the birth, we found out he had a knot in the cord.. If we had had a vaginal birth, it could have tightened during the process, cutting off his oxygen. I felt like we'd made the right decision then for sure, and it was for a reason. I feel like it's going to be the same here. We may be running into these difficulties for a reason.

My concerns about a c-section, other than the risks of surgery and being unable to be with baby right away, are the soreness and healing. I'll have two other children to take care of afterwards AND I'll be taking classes at the time. I'm trying not to worry about that right now.. I'll only be taking two classes, and hopefully I can get some time off. It will be close to spring break too, which will be nice.

Positives about choosing there are that we know we'll be receiving excellent care all along and it's actually kind of nice we'll be able to choose when baby comes and I think that will be better planning as far as school & everything. They'll do it anytime after 39 weeks there, unless you go into labor before & then they do it then.

SO, I think our decision is to go there! I called today and the midwife is out on Wednesdays, but the nurse was going to get back to me tomorrow. She went ahead and scheduled what she thought they would want, and that's their usual sonogram and appointment at 12 weeks (next week). I hope the midwife agrees, because I'd love to see how the fibroid & the baby are doing!

Oh, other good news is I haven't gained any weight! My stomach is for sure thicker, but our nightly walking must be helping! I was actually down .3! My goal was not to gain any during the first trimester & since I only have about a week left, I think I'm doing pretty good! One other good thing about school is that I should be able to use the rec center this winter when we can no longer go on our walks!

I hope we've made the right decision, but I actually feel pretty comfortable with it. I wasn't 100% counting on the VBAC just because of the dr's attitude at our first appointment, so that may be part of why. I also know that with the problems with Aeson and even with the fibroid this time, we received minimal information & no support & I don't see that ever happening at the other hospital. I'm glad a decision is tentatively in place, and I am looking forward to the care there!

Our morning so far

Every morning, the first thing Aeson asks is where Daddy is. The next thing he does is go find his brother! This morning, we had some laundry to do & Aeson LOVES to sit on the steps while I start it. Today, though, he decided he wanted to come all the way down to the basement, probably because his brother decided he wanted to too! After the laundry was switched and started, Aeson got VERY upset that we had to go back upstairs. I ended up carrying him up and sitting him down while I put the gate back up. Westen then sat there and consoled him, talking quietly to him and patting his back, asking him if he'd like a snack or wanted to help me with the dishes. He finally cheered up to that! (He loves helping put away the silverware) So, I handed the silverware off to him and he and Westen decided together where it went & put it there. The point of all of this is, I don't know what I'd do without Westen! He's such a huge helper and an amazing big brother! He's already patting or kissing my tummy and talking about the "cute little baby" in there. Last night, he gave it kisses too! He's such a great kid!

Birth options

A week or so ago, I met with a local doula. She's a fantastic person, and I'd actually met her previously through La Leche. She gave me lots of information, including books and papers to take home. I'm fairly certain we're going to hire her for the birth.. My only reservation is if I have to have a c-section, I don't see a doula as very necessary. (She assured me she's still there for support, but that's just my own thought) Anyway, I didn't realize how MUCH you have a choice in during the birth process! My brain was crammed with stuff when I left, and I still haven't even looked too much at everything! She also talked about the people she'd worked with and the births she's already attended, and Carthage really sounded like the better place in every way. The midwife there seems amazing. I actually have an appointment there tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to it. I'll see what she has to say, but I think I'm leaning more toward going there.

The doula was the one to tell me to watch the dvd Orgasmic Birth. The title is really kind of misleading. It really was all about the positive parts of labor and birth, the good hormones that are present in your body at the time, and things like that. Eric and I watched it together, and I was really glad he did! He's never seen anyone in labor, and it was surprising to him what it was really like. I think he thought it was going to be women screaming in horrible pain! It really made me want a VBAC even more and feel even more strongly about going to a midwife. They had some interesting facts too.. Like how the World Health Organization went worldwide and determined to save mommas and babies, the c-section rate should be between 10 & 15 percent.. and the United States is somewhere in the 30's! Also, they've found that as c-section rates go up (beyond the 10-15 necessary ones), problems/deaths also go up. You'd think it would be the opposite. They also discussed how bad some interventions, like Pitocin, are for you & how they can actually cause a c-section. It really made me think about why there's a time limit on labor anyway.. So many doctors (including mine w/ Westen) start Pitocin or some other drug because you're not progressing fast enough.. Maybe there's a scientific reason I don't know about, but it seems to me like you will when it's time! (or most people will anyway) Another interesting tidbit was that c-sections, even "emergency" c-sections are far, far more common Monday-Friday. Hmm!

I really want to avoid a c-section if at all possible. Unlike our hospital here, I feel like the midwife in Carthage would do everything she could to give me a normal birth. I understand there are reasons where one is warranted, and if I get the previa again or something like that, I may have to have one.. but otherwise, I for sure plan on trying a VBAC. For those who aren't familiar, there is a very small chance the scar from my c-section COULD open and cause a life-threatening situation for me and baby BUT from what I've read, the chance and risks associated with that are MUCH less than any c-section, particularly repeat ones. So, anyway, we'll get there when we get there. Pregnancy and childbirth can be so scary! With as anxious of a person as I am, I think this may be our last one, at least for a looooong while!

By the way, we're a fourth of the way there already! I was 10 weeks last week.. crazy how fast it goes by!

School = BIG headache!

(Feel free to skip completely over this post.. I really just wrote it to get it out of my head & hopefully ease my stress a little)

This school stuff has been one HUGE headache after another. I wrote a while back about not being able to go because the program doesn't qualify for loans.. well, I thought I figured out a way to & got the response to hold on, because they were looking into it further. A couple weeks ago, they finally let me know that there is indeed an exception for classes that are pre-requisites to a program, so I WAS eligible for aid (loans). The only thing about it is that it is only allowed for a year, which meant I'd have to forget my plan of taking fall classes, spring off for the baby, and then more classes next year and instead either go this entire year or wait until after baby to go the next year. I decided to go ahead, for many reasons. The financial aid office took the full two weeks to get my award letter to me, so I just found out this morning that the loans I can get won't even cover my classes! I would be responsible for a LOT of money out of pocket, to cover the rest of the classes AND books, etc. So, now I'm afraid once again that school is out of the picture. So stressful!

And if school's not an option, I'm not sure what we're going to do.. I continue to apply for jobs with no luck whatsoever. I've seriously applied for more than I can count. The only thing I haven't applied for yet are full-time positions. I figured out today that if I worked full-time and was therefore away from my kids full-time, I would bring home a measley 4-500 per month because of daycare and other expenses. And when I have this baby, that would then be gone on daycare for it! So, that's not really an option for me.

I think the only two options we have are.. 1) I start daycare again. This would probably be the smartest decision financially, but it was stressful! ..the sickness brought in to our house constantly, waiting on parents who were late to pick up kids, sometimes not getting paid on time, bundling & loading up kids just to drive five minutes to take Westen to school & then pick him up, etc.. or 2) We both continue to apply for jobs and whoever gets the highest paying job works, the other stays home.

My mind keeps going back to the past, thinking of things that we 'should' have done or not done or whatever, but I'm trying not to.. I know there's nothing we can do about that now! Anyway, I'm just praying for some answers & direction!

Aeson's Second Birthday

We celebrated Aeson's SECOND birthday this week! Wednesday was his actual birthday, but we didn't do much that day. He got to play with Calla (his favorite friend of Westen's age!) & her sister, and Eric worked most of the day. We did tell him happy birthday lots, though, and talk to him about what his birthday meant!

Yesterday, we had his birthday party at our house. We grilled hot dogs and had all sorts of toppings, and I made macaroni & corn casserole and hamburger beans. A few people were unable to make it due to anniversaries/rehearsal dinners/etc, but lots of people were here. They included: Grandma Martha, Grandpa Dave, Grandma Christy, Grandma Sandy & Bob, Aunt Chelsea, Uncle Eddie, cousin Bentley, Aunt Amanda, Uncle Mark, cousin Addy, mommy's cousin Nikki, her fiance Jared & kids Bayne and Lily, friends Courtney & Finn, Justin & Tierney, Shannon & her girls. Sasha made adorable Elmo cupcakes she brought, along w/ a gift, before the party.

Aeson was really good about staying out of his presents until it was time to open them. He chose the ones wrapped in Spongebob paper first! He got mostly clothes, pajamas, books, and puzzles. His favorite gifts were Spongebob pajamas, a firetruck, a Yo Gabba Gabba dvd, and play dough. He's such a smart boy.. He already knows how to put a dvd in and start it all by himself!

He was VERY excited about the Elmo cupcakes. As soon as we showed him (before the party started), he wanted one. He even almost got the box down once! He just looked around at everyone while we sang happy birthday, and then tried a couple of times to blow out his candle before asking Mommy for help!

He's such a sweet boy and seems to have grown up so much over the last couple of weeks! He repeats just about anything now and regularly talks in sentences. I may have already mentioned this, but he already refers to himself appropriately too - using "I" or "me." I don't remember other kids doing that this early!

Potty training has been a struggle! He used to go on the potty so well, and now he absolutely refuses. I'm sure we'll get there someday!

Anyway, I think he had a wonderful time at his party. People were indoors and out, so he got to play with everyone lots and the kids were all pretty crazy! It was fun watching him enjoy it all! I can't believe he's two already!

Oh, one more thing-- He got cards in the mail almost every day this week, and he LOVED getting mail! Inside, he found money, balloons, and stickers. The balloons were his favorite!