School = BIG headache!

(Feel free to skip completely over this post.. I really just wrote it to get it out of my head & hopefully ease my stress a little)

This school stuff has been one HUGE headache after another. I wrote a while back about not being able to go because the program doesn't qualify for loans.. well, I thought I figured out a way to & got the response to hold on, because they were looking into it further. A couple weeks ago, they finally let me know that there is indeed an exception for classes that are pre-requisites to a program, so I WAS eligible for aid (loans). The only thing about it is that it is only allowed for a year, which meant I'd have to forget my plan of taking fall classes, spring off for the baby, and then more classes next year and instead either go this entire year or wait until after baby to go the next year. I decided to go ahead, for many reasons. The financial aid office took the full two weeks to get my award letter to me, so I just found out this morning that the loans I can get won't even cover my classes! I would be responsible for a LOT of money out of pocket, to cover the rest of the classes AND books, etc. So, now I'm afraid once again that school is out of the picture. So stressful!

And if school's not an option, I'm not sure what we're going to do.. I continue to apply for jobs with no luck whatsoever. I've seriously applied for more than I can count. The only thing I haven't applied for yet are full-time positions. I figured out today that if I worked full-time and was therefore away from my kids full-time, I would bring home a measley 4-500 per month because of daycare and other expenses. And when I have this baby, that would then be gone on daycare for it! So, that's not really an option for me.

I think the only two options we have are.. 1) I start daycare again. This would probably be the smartest decision financially, but it was stressful! ..the sickness brought in to our house constantly, waiting on parents who were late to pick up kids, sometimes not getting paid on time, bundling & loading up kids just to drive five minutes to take Westen to school & then pick him up, etc.. or 2) We both continue to apply for jobs and whoever gets the highest paying job works, the other stays home.

My mind keeps going back to the past, thinking of things that we 'should' have done or not done or whatever, but I'm trying not to.. I know there's nothing we can do about that now! Anyway, I'm just praying for some answers & direction!