Birth options

A week or so ago, I met with a local doula. She's a fantastic person, and I'd actually met her previously through La Leche. She gave me lots of information, including books and papers to take home. I'm fairly certain we're going to hire her for the birth.. My only reservation is if I have to have a c-section, I don't see a doula as very necessary. (She assured me she's still there for support, but that's just my own thought) Anyway, I didn't realize how MUCH you have a choice in during the birth process! My brain was crammed with stuff when I left, and I still haven't even looked too much at everything! She also talked about the people she'd worked with and the births she's already attended, and Carthage really sounded like the better place in every way. The midwife there seems amazing. I actually have an appointment there tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to it. I'll see what she has to say, but I think I'm leaning more toward going there.

The doula was the one to tell me to watch the dvd Orgasmic Birth. The title is really kind of misleading. It really was all about the positive parts of labor and birth, the good hormones that are present in your body at the time, and things like that. Eric and I watched it together, and I was really glad he did! He's never seen anyone in labor, and it was surprising to him what it was really like. I think he thought it was going to be women screaming in horrible pain! It really made me want a VBAC even more and feel even more strongly about going to a midwife. They had some interesting facts too.. Like how the World Health Organization went worldwide and determined to save mommas and babies, the c-section rate should be between 10 & 15 percent.. and the United States is somewhere in the 30's! Also, they've found that as c-section rates go up (beyond the 10-15 necessary ones), problems/deaths also go up. You'd think it would be the opposite. They also discussed how bad some interventions, like Pitocin, are for you & how they can actually cause a c-section. It really made me think about why there's a time limit on labor anyway.. So many doctors (including mine w/ Westen) start Pitocin or some other drug because you're not progressing fast enough.. Maybe there's a scientific reason I don't know about, but it seems to me like you will when it's time! (or most people will anyway) Another interesting tidbit was that c-sections, even "emergency" c-sections are far, far more common Monday-Friday. Hmm!

I really want to avoid a c-section if at all possible. Unlike our hospital here, I feel like the midwife in Carthage would do everything she could to give me a normal birth. I understand there are reasons where one is warranted, and if I get the previa again or something like that, I may have to have one.. but otherwise, I for sure plan on trying a VBAC. For those who aren't familiar, there is a very small chance the scar from my c-section COULD open and cause a life-threatening situation for me and baby BUT from what I've read, the chance and risks associated with that are MUCH less than any c-section, particularly repeat ones. So, anyway, we'll get there when we get there. Pregnancy and childbirth can be so scary! With as anxious of a person as I am, I think this may be our last one, at least for a looooong while!

By the way, we're a fourth of the way there already! I was 10 weeks last week.. crazy how fast it goes by!

School = BIG headache!

(Feel free to skip completely over this post.. I really just wrote it to get it out of my head & hopefully ease my stress a little)

This school stuff has been one HUGE headache after another. I wrote a while back about not being able to go because the program doesn't qualify for loans.. well, I thought I figured out a way to & got the response to hold on, because they were looking into it further. A couple weeks ago, they finally let me know that there is indeed an exception for classes that are pre-requisites to a program, so I WAS eligible for aid (loans). The only thing about it is that it is only allowed for a year, which meant I'd have to forget my plan of taking fall classes, spring off for the baby, and then more classes next year and instead either go this entire year or wait until after baby to go the next year. I decided to go ahead, for many reasons. The financial aid office took the full two weeks to get my award letter to me, so I just found out this morning that the loans I can get won't even cover my classes! I would be responsible for a LOT of money out of pocket, to cover the rest of the classes AND books, etc. So, now I'm afraid once again that school is out of the picture. So stressful!

And if school's not an option, I'm not sure what we're going to do.. I continue to apply for jobs with no luck whatsoever. I've seriously applied for more than I can count. The only thing I haven't applied for yet are full-time positions. I figured out today that if I worked full-time and was therefore away from my kids full-time, I would bring home a measley 4-500 per month because of daycare and other expenses. And when I have this baby, that would then be gone on daycare for it! So, that's not really an option for me.

I think the only two options we have are.. 1) I start daycare again. This would probably be the smartest decision financially, but it was stressful! ..the sickness brought in to our house constantly, waiting on parents who were late to pick up kids, sometimes not getting paid on time, bundling & loading up kids just to drive five minutes to take Westen to school & then pick him up, etc.. or 2) We both continue to apply for jobs and whoever gets the highest paying job works, the other stays home.

My mind keeps going back to the past, thinking of things that we 'should' have done or not done or whatever, but I'm trying not to.. I know there's nothing we can do about that now! Anyway, I'm just praying for some answers & direction!

Aeson's Second Birthday

We celebrated Aeson's SECOND birthday this week! Wednesday was his actual birthday, but we didn't do much that day. He got to play with Calla (his favorite friend of Westen's age!) & her sister, and Eric worked most of the day. We did tell him happy birthday lots, though, and talk to him about what his birthday meant!

Yesterday, we had his birthday party at our house. We grilled hot dogs and had all sorts of toppings, and I made macaroni & corn casserole and hamburger beans. A few people were unable to make it due to anniversaries/rehearsal dinners/etc, but lots of people were here. They included: Grandma Martha, Grandpa Dave, Grandma Christy, Grandma Sandy & Bob, Aunt Chelsea, Uncle Eddie, cousin Bentley, Aunt Amanda, Uncle Mark, cousin Addy, mommy's cousin Nikki, her fiance Jared & kids Bayne and Lily, friends Courtney & Finn, Justin & Tierney, Shannon & her girls. Sasha made adorable Elmo cupcakes she brought, along w/ a gift, before the party.

Aeson was really good about staying out of his presents until it was time to open them. He chose the ones wrapped in Spongebob paper first! He got mostly clothes, pajamas, books, and puzzles. His favorite gifts were Spongebob pajamas, a firetruck, a Yo Gabba Gabba dvd, and play dough. He's such a smart boy.. He already knows how to put a dvd in and start it all by himself!

He was VERY excited about the Elmo cupcakes. As soon as we showed him (before the party started), he wanted one. He even almost got the box down once! He just looked around at everyone while we sang happy birthday, and then tried a couple of times to blow out his candle before asking Mommy for help!

He's such a sweet boy and seems to have grown up so much over the last couple of weeks! He repeats just about anything now and regularly talks in sentences. I may have already mentioned this, but he already refers to himself appropriately too - using "I" or "me." I don't remember other kids doing that this early!

Potty training has been a struggle! He used to go on the potty so well, and now he absolutely refuses. I'm sure we'll get there someday!

Anyway, I think he had a wonderful time at his party. People were indoors and out, so he got to play with everyone lots and the kids were all pretty crazy! It was fun watching him enjoy it all! I can't believe he's two already!

Oh, one more thing-- He got cards in the mail almost every day this week, and he LOVED getting mail! Inside, he found money, balloons, and stickers. The balloons were his favorite!

1st OB appt

Here tiny, little baby #3 is! We had our first appointment last Thursday. The baby was measuring almost a week smaller than what I had figured out. We compromised in the middle, and my new due date is March 2. So here, baby was approximately 7 weeks, 6 days, measuring 1.15 centimeters and with a heartbeat of 166 bpm. All looked good, except for finding out I have a fibroid. The photo on the bottom left is actually it - you can see where he was measuring it (the large circle). It's much larger than the baby at this point, but they're unpredictable with pregnancy.. It could stay the same or grow.. a lot. It could reduce nutrients to the baby, resulting in miscarriage or preterm labor. The doctor told me all of this and then told me not to worry! I am, of course, hoping for the best.

We didn't really like how our appointment went, so we're now considering going to another hospital. Everyone raves about the midwife there.. and while it's 30 minutes away, I'm thinking it will be worth it! I've made an appointment for early August, so we'll see what I think then.

Westen already tickles my stomach and talks to the baby, and every time Aeson sees the sonogram, he says "baby!" I have had no more nausea since changing prenatals and the only symptom I REALLY notice is being hungry ALL the time! My weight was right in the middle of where I was with my prior two kids (halfway up from Westen & halfway down from Aeson).

I'm meeting with the doula tomorrow, so I'm excited about that. We also recently heard of a place in Peoria where you can find out the sex of the baby for $80. If we have the extra money, I think we may do that, because I think we should be able to find out in as little as two months from now! We'll see when we get there!

Bad news week!

What an eventful week!

I first found out that I can't get loans for pre-nursing, because it is not a degree-seeking program. I don't really understand this, because it IS .. I mean, once you get those pre-req's done, you try to get into the bachelor's of nursing program, so it still leads up to one.. but I guess because it's just pre-req's and not actually part of the program, it's not. So frustrating! It seems like it has been one thing after another. So, it looks like I probably won't be going to school in the fall .. and that makes this summer class I took a complete waste of time and money! I think I could probably still try to get into a 2 year program around here (an associates rather than a bachelor's) and then eventually go back to get my bachelor's BUT I've heard bad things about the local program & how I'd never see my family, and I really don't want to drive out of town every day to go to class all day long. Nor do we have the money for that. So I'm kind of stuck!

Then, I figured out (after being very, very sick) that I'm pretty sure it was my prenatal vitamins causing me to feel so sick! I googled it, and it seems to be a problem for lots of people. I called the doctor to make sure it was okay but then switched back to over-the-counter ones I'd taken before I got pregnant. I also switched the time of day I was taking them from evening to lunch, and this seems to be working lots better!

Also on Wednesday, first thing in the morning, Aeson picked a glass up from the table and went to carry it out of the room, dropping it in the process and leaving a gaping cut on top of his foot. Since I'd never been in this situation before, I had no idea what to do! I called the doctor to see if we could get in and after speaking with the nurse, she said to bring him right over & they'd fit him in. They did right away, and right when she saw it, she said it would need stitches. :( It bled a LOT and was, in fact, still bleeding while we were waiting. Aeson was such a brave boy, though. He cried for a minute when the glass broke (but that may also have been due to me yelling to stop & sit down-- I was afraid he would walk through it all!), but then he didn't cry again (not even while the doctor gave him several shots in it to numb it) until the very last stitch & then he started crying a little. :( Poor guy! He did say several times (and then LOTS later that day) that it "hewts." Since then, we've cleaned it several times a day with Dial, put peroxide on it, and then bandaged it up with Neosporin. He's done GREAT every time we do this. We did go to the store and pick out Spongebob band-aid's, though, too! :)

Finally, yesterday, I found out I didn't get the job I interviewed for. I really hadn't expected to, but I had still been hopeful. It's really hard to apply for and interview for jobs over and over again and not get them. I'm going to keep searching, but part of me feels like maybe I'm just supposed to be a mom right now. I wish I could be content with just that! It's probably financial fear and fear of the future that stops me from feeling that way. I do want to work eventually (preferably once the kids are all in school), but I worry that I'll have difficulty finding a job after being out of the workforce for so long AND I'll have to retire at a very, very old age! Well, one day at a time, right?

In better news, we went shopping last weekend and got started on some school clothes for Westen (we found amazing deals at the children's place!) and found his backpack. (He picked Mario!) We later went and got almost all of his school supplies and found a matching Mario lunchbox. He admitted then that he's going to be nervous to eat with all the other kids! I told him everybody would be nervous at first, but he'll make friends & get used to it. I think I'm going to be just as nervous as he is when he starts school! A couple of weekends ago, he'd picked out his school shoes, so we're now almost all set!

Aeson has grown up so much lately, it seems! He's started talking in sentences regularly, and he refers to himself properly as "I" or "me." The sentences he uses are appropriate, and it's so strange to have a real conversation with him! (Adorable, too!) I'm pretty sure he can identify the letter B, but sometimes he'll point to another letter and say it's B too. He says "A, B, C, D" of the alphabet. He still doesn't recognize himself in pictures! When I ask, he always says it's Bentley or Daddy! Aeson's down to nursing 3 times a day finally! (and thankfully!) It's morning, nap, and bedtime.

The pregnancy is still pretty much the same.. nausea better but still have serious aversions to food. Nothing ever sounds good, so I end up waiting until I'm starving and then can eat whatever's around but I seem to have no tastebuds or something! For the last week or so, sandwich bread and red meat have sounded disgusting, so I haven't had either! When my vitamin was making me feel so ill, I'd wake up several times throughout the night & would be starving when I did, so I'd have to eat a little snack.. Combining this with being hungry much more often during the day, I think I've already gained a few pounds. :( I was really hoping not to gain any during the first trimester this time, but I can't help it. If I get too hungry, I feel VERY ill. (Same with too hot) We have our first doctor's appointment and sonogram coming up this week, and I can't wait. Hopefully everything will look good!

Summer Reading Program, School Decisions

The boys participated in the reading program at the library again this year. It was a medieval theme this year. We've gone to one puppet show and have another today. They've gotten to make lots of crafts- knights, dragons, swords, etc. Yesterday, the zoo visited the library, and they got to pet all sorts of weird baby animals. I'll add pictures soon! We also finished reading the 30 books we had to prior to yesterday, so they got to get their prizes. There's a pool party, a free personal pan pizza, tickets to a Burlington Bee's game, and they got to choose a book to take home. Westen chose one about crabs (he's very much into the nonfiction books), and Aeson chose a little eye spy book. I'm so glad our library puts on things like this, because everything is a lot of fun. Westen LOVED the puppet show last time, and I'm sure he will again today! They also had a group come in that dressed up and fought like they did in medieval times, and the boys both loved that.

"Morning" sickness has fully set in for me. I don't remember feeling this ill with either of my other two kids, but maybe I've just forgotten. I feel I could vomit at any second all throughout the day, but it seems to go away around dinnertime. Last night, it came back again before bed, and a couple of nights it has even woken me up. Ugh! It's no fun, but I just have to remember it's worth it! (very, very much)

Eric and I discussed my school plans yesterday, and I think we came to a decision. Originally, I was planning on going ahead with things as normal, but then the sleepiness, cloudy thinking, etc set in and I began to wonder how I would even be able to do in classes with a newborn. I'm sure I could do it if I really wanted to BUT I also realized that no day cares take babies until they're 6 weeks old, so I wouldn't have a babysitter AND even if I did find someone to take the baby, I'd have to get a newborn out in the freezing cold AND try to make it to class while recovering. Also, if I have to have a C-section again, I wouldn't even be able to drive for 2 weeks, and I don't think any professor would be okay with that. The classes I have to take are only at WIU as well.. I think it'd be more possible if they were at the community college or online. SO, the classes I have to take are two health courses, chem 1 & 2, and a&p 1&2. The plan, for now, is to take the two online health courses this fall, take the spring semester off (when the baby will be born), and then get them in daycare and start the chem & a&p the following year. This will put me back one year for applying to nursing school, but I think it will work best this way.

I'm still waiting to hear from the interview I wrote about a couple weeks ago. They called and it's being put on the back burner right now while they deal with stuff from the storms we had. (The office is in Quincy, and they had it a lot worse than us.. power was out for days) I also just applied for another part-time job, so we'll see what happens.

Summer Days

It's finally been hot here, and we've been swimming quite a bit. Aeson is becoming more and more used to my dad's pool, but he still doesn't want to stay in for very long if he gets in and he clings to us the whole time he is in. He does like sitting on the side of the pool, though. I took the boys to Glenwood (the local public pool) the other day, and he LOVED it there. It starts out at 1.5 feet deep, though, so he was able to stand up and walk in it. He kept wanting to keep walking into the deeper part! We stayed for a couple of hours & had a good time! We'll have to go again sometime. It's nice right now, because kids 5 & under get in free, so I only have to pay for myself!

This last week, we moved some things around. Eric & I got a different bed, and Westen wanted our queen size bed instead of his twin size, so we moved our bed into his room and moved his bed into our back room. I'm still not sure what we're going to do as far as bedrooms and everything once this baby is here, but we'll figure it out.. It'll be in our bedroom for a while anyway. (Although I am definitely moving it to its own room while it's still a baby.. I've learned a lot with Aeson! lol)

We also had our washer go out.. We had a service man come, and he said the motor was going out. That's a costly fix, so we debated between fixing it or buying a new one. Luckily, a friend of mine is moving back in with his parents, so he offered to sell us his washer for a good price! We picked it up this weekend, and I've never been so glad to do laundry!

I also heard back from the financial aid office at WIU, and apparently they just have to deny me because I withdrew but now that I appealed, all they have to know is that I've been advised for the fall semester & all should be good. I'm still not completely sure what I'm going to do as far as school goes, but I'll figure it out.

We've really just been enjoying summer.. I love being able to go on walks every night. We bought a basketball recently and have been playing that at the nearest school playground. Aeson's talking more and more.. He repeats just about anything these days! The other day, I was counting blocks for him and after I said 8, he said "Nine" .. He's said it several more times since then & it makes me wonder how much he really knows and doesn't say! Lately, he's been pointing out letters and colors too, but every letter is a "B" and every color was "yellow." I think he's getting better with colors now, though. We bought Westen's school shoes this weekend. He picked them out, and he LOVES them. He's so excited to wear them. I can't wait to pick out all his school supplies & clothes.

Oh, we also went to a fireworks show last night. We sat in the van and watched. The noise didn't bother Westen at all (hopefully this is getting better??), and Aeson was ooohing and ahhing. They both loved them and fell asleep on the way home!

Happy 4th of July!