Valentine's, Induction Option

Valentine's Day was earlier this week. Eric had to work open to close, so I mostly spent it with the kids! With everything going on, I kind of forgot about it until last minute, so we didn't do anything too elaborate. I cut toast into hearts for breakfast, and we made a heart-shaped homemade pizza together for dinner. Aeson & I did get to take lunch to Eric, and he gave me a dozen pretty roses when we met him. I really think Valentine's Day is mostly a waste of money, but it does make you think about those who are special to you too. Oh, and I got to hear "Happy Valentime's, Mommy" all day long. :)

I had my 38 week doctor's appointment on Wednesday, and I'm super glad Eric was able to go with me. I'd gained TWO pounds this week! I think I'm putting on weight faster now than I have the whole pregnancy! My blood pressure and all that were still good. I was still only dilated to a 1. The doctor said he was going to come back to talk to us, and I got nervous! When he came back, he said he has absolutely no problem doing VBAC's, but the hospital does because it costs them more money to call in surgery and have them there the whole time - when it happens after hours. So, he said THEY wanted him to ask if I would consider being induced, so it would happen during the day when they're already there and if so, they would do it on Tuesday at 6 a.m. He said not to decide then, but he wanted to see me on Monday and I could let him know then. He did also mention briefly concern about the baby getting bigger and why she's not dropping down (he really thought I would have her by now).. If she can't for some reason, we won't know that until we try to have her.

I was disappointed when we left.. I really didn't want to be faced with such a decision. Part of me thought it'd be great to just have her here, and it would make lots of things easier to plan if we knew when it was going to happen.. But, our midwife that we left only because the hospital refuses to allow VBAC's had always said one of the three big no-no's with VBAC's is induction. I also knew that the doctor my sister is going to (also hoping for a VBAC) will absolutely not induce VBAC's, and I've read countless studies that it increases your risk for rupture. I had brought this up to our doctor, but he said he doesn't believe it does. He has had 3 ruptures occur - One occurred before the woman got to the hospital.. He made it seem like she possibly wasn't even a patient of his & said she had not told anyone she was having contractions, etc. Anyway, she was pregnant with twins, one died, they worked hard to save her, and the other baby ended up dying 6 months later. The other two ruptures were small holes they caught in labor, though, and the moms and babies were fine. I didn't ask if they had been induced, but he did say he has regularly induced VBAC's.

Making the decision bothered me a lot that night. I didn't sleep well and kept imagining the worst. I was, and still am, afraid that if I refuse, I may not be able to have a VBAC at all & it's too late to find a different doctor now.. and also that c-section will be pushed for.

By the next day, I felt like there was no way I could do it. My body is showing no signs of labor yet. When I was given pitocin with Westen, I had had signs for weeks and my water had broken, so I feel like he and I were ready. I don't feel like that's the case with this pregnancy. There's varying studies about the increased chance of rupture, but my main reason for not is simply because I think it's better that my body go into labor on its own - both for me and for the baby.

I also called our midwife and left a message with the nurse. I wasn't sure if she would tell me her advice since I'm no longer a patient of hers, but she actually called me back herself just a couple of hours later & we ended up talking for like ten minutes! She said she would absolutely not, under any circumstances, induce a VBAC, especially at 39 weeks. She said a lot more, and I told her we trusted her opinion over anyone else's. I'd figured that's what she would say, but it was good to talk to her about it. Her recommendation was to go for a VBAC if I go into labor on my own, not induce, do a sonogram at 41 weeks to look at fluid and things if I make it that far, and then if everything still looks okay, not to do anything until 42 weeks, when they would do a repeat c-section if I still have not gone into labor.

So, that's what we're going with. That's what we feel comfortable with, and we will be telling him on Monday. I'm hoping he takes it well. It makes me so nervous! I just can't do something I don't feel comfortable doing, though. I trust my body, and my baby to come when she's ready. And if she doesn't, I think I will feel much more comfortable with the possibility of a repeat c-section at 41 weeks plus. Please cross your fingers the doctor is okay with this.. or more so, the hospital.

Since then, I've gotten actually kind of angry that they would even present this.. Why make things harder on me and the baby and force something just because it's more convenient for you? Or costs you less money? It's very frustrating. I'm so thankful to have Eric and my doula for support.

Also since then, I've tried just about everything to start labor! I was hoping if I went before Monday, I wouldn't have to make the decision or face him with it. I honestly didn't (and still don't) see that happening, though. When he said Tuesday, I felt like even then it just wasn't time yet. Anyway, I've tried pineapple (tons and tons of it!), onion rings (a local story), caffeine, walks, squats/duck walking, and evening primrose oil capsules. It does seem I've had more and a little stronger contractions than I was having, but that's about it.

I also remembered that I couldn't even remember my exact dates and my first doctor had wanted to move back the due date by a couple of days. I know it's not that much of a difference, but still I may not be quite as far along as I think I am. I keep reminding myself too that even though I went early with Westen, most people go right around their due date. And who knows how long I would have gone with Aeson.

So anyway, I'm feeling really pretty good, and I'm 100% sure about our plan.. I just hope the doctor allows that to be our plan.

False alarm!

I guess not feeling well wasn't a sign of anything! I've felt perfectly fine since Monday. I had my 37 week appointment on Wednesday and was still dilated to a 1. I was a little disappointed since I'd had so many regular contractions over the weekend and had felt so crappy. I was hoping she was on her way! Anyway, it gave me a chance to talk to the doctor about the internal monitoring. He does NOT require the thing that goes on/slightly into her head, only the thing that goes inside the uterine wall. He said I'll still be able to move around with it, and he was perfectly fine with waiting until my water broke on its own. I was so thankful for that!

I continue to be scared about birth.. actually more like terrified! I wake up every night thinking about it and really wish I could just feel at peace. The chances are SO low that anything would happen, but still SOMEONE has to be in those tiny percentages. Part of me never wants the birth to come, and part of me wants to get it over with so I can stop worrying about it!

***

Updates on the boys:

Aeson: I absolutely love his age right now! He gets so excited about everything! He jumps up and down when he's really excited or really angry. He repeats questions about things that are really important to him, like saying "Can we? Can we?" or "Please, please, please!" His latest phrase that he likes saying is "Not fair!" He is absolutely amazing at video games too, which I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing! You would never believe it was a 2 year old playing. He also had his sonogram and bloodwork done this past week. We talked about it before, and he kept saying "noooo" - that he didn't want to go & didn't want it done. We took the DS, and I suppose it helped with the sono somewhat. He did okay for that, but he cried when they took his blood. It breaks my heart! Even as we were walking in, he said he was scared. :( He's definitely able to remember it all and vocalize his feelings about it now.. I don't want him to grow up, but I can't wait until he can understand that it's for a good reason.

Westen: Westen lost his first tooth this week!! He was so excited to show us when we picked him up from school. He said he was eating a carrot when it came out, and he hadn't even felt it! I really can't believe how old he's getting.. I look at him and think he's going to be 13 before I realize it! We picked out his valentine's for school yesterday (he chose ones that fold into paper airplanes!). We'll be getting those ready & doing more cleaning and organizing this weekend, since Daddy works all weekend!

Pre-labor?

Two days from being 37 weeks!

I've been feeling very crappy (for lack of a better word!) since Saturday. Very, very crampy. My back hurts really bad, and I feel nauseous off and on. Saturday evening, I had regular contractions (mostly about every 4-5 minutes.. some as few as 2 min's apart and some as far as 7 min's apart) for a couple of hours. They never got worse, though, so I went to bed and figured I'd wake up if they got worse. I did actually wake up several times that night, but I'm not sure why. The morning was okay yesterday but by afternoon, the cramps had started again. We went to my sister's for the Superbowl and by the time we left there, I was really feeling pretty good and normal again. Slept well last night with no problems. This morning once I was up doing things, it started again. I haven't had any other symptoms that indicate she's coming soon, but I honestly can't imagine feeling like this for too long! I talked to my doula, and she thinks I'm in in pre-labor. I remember feeling crampy each evening for just a few days before Westen came, but I don't remember it being this bad. Maybe I've just forgotten! Either way, I don't think labor is too far off.. We'll see, though. From what I've read, pre-labor can last days or even weeks. Eric's been wonderful about doing things for me when I really don't feel well and rubbing my back. I still can't stop myself from doing things around the house, though. Nesting is the weirdest thing! I've been cleaning things I NEVER clean.. It's just so weird how such random things can pop into your head- and it will continue to bother me until I do it! All of this going on has made it pretty difficult to focus on school! My next appointment is on Wednesday afternoon, so we'll see what I find out then.

I wanted to make note (if I haven't already) of one of my favorite phrases of Aeson's right now.. Multiple times a day, he'll give me a hug or rest his head on me and say "You're the best ever." He's also spoken to my tummy a couple of times saying "You're the best ever too, Aubryn." He's such a sweetheart.

36 weeks

This past Wednesday, I had my 36 week appointment. I'd gained almost 2 pounds, so at the next appointment, I should be right around 30 for the whole pregnancy. (If I make it to the next one ;)) My blood pressure remained awesome, which I have been SO thankful for. I'm so, so, so glad we haven't had to deal with any of the stuff we did with Aeson's pregnancy! I had him at exactly 36 weeks and I remember feeling very ready.. With this one, I still feel great! Anyway, the doctor checked me and I was dilated to a 1! He said I'd thinned out a lot too. I was really surprised. I have had a LOT of Braxton Hicks contractions, but I'd read they didn't really do anything except help you thin out. I also wasn't a 1 until 38 weeks with Westen and was still a 1 when my water broke and I went to the hospital. So, I think that's a good sign! The doctor said he thinks I'll have her within the next 2 weeks. If it's before next Wednesday (37 weeks), they will try to stop it, though. After that, they won't. I'm really hoping she makes it to then, because I don't want to deal with trying to stop it! He was guessing her at 7lbs right now. They did a quick sono, and she measured on there to be about 6lbs, 7oz. We could see her little pug nose (I think she looks like Aeson haha.. Eric didn't think you could tell!), and they still didn't see any boy parts! :) She was head down too (which I'd known she had been for the last few days-- I'd gone to the chiro the Thursday before and my sacrum was completely out of place, so once he popped that in, I did my inversion thing that night & have been sitting on the exercise ball each night & she moved right down!), so I'm thinking that's a good sign too!

We got to finally talk to the doctor in depth after that about our birth plan. I was so nervous about it before, because you never know how people (especially doctors) are going to take things that are outside the 'norm.' He was completely fine with everything, though! He's very relaxed and laid back. It's really nice to be going to someone who seems to really care about the patients, not himself, and doesn't try to impose any ideas on you. We really like him. We also found out that he came from the biggest hospital in the US (one in California) & they had a less than 5% c-section rate! (compared to around 25% at most hospitals..) He's done tons of VBAC's & agrees it is the better option than repeat c-section. He does require internal monitoring during labor, because he said if the uterus gets any little hole or tear, air will blow through that with the contractions and will show up abnormally. I didn't know too much about it, so I didn't ask any questions, but it seemed to make sense.

When I got home, I talked to my doula to update her and talk about if they do have to stop labor and the internal monitor and all those things. I'm so glad I have her! I also asked online about the internal monitor, asking for experiences, and rather than getting experiences, everyone wanted to give their opinions! It has stressed me out since! I have some questions for the doc if I make it to the next appointment, but I do trust him, and I do believe he would do what's in me and baby's best interest- not his own.

Hearing that she will most likely come in the next 2 weeks has made me rush around to get things done! My brain's been pretty crazy since then! I've been cleaning non-stop, getting things ready for the hospital, trying to get ahead on my homework, etc. It's been a little stressful, especially since Eric's working almost 60 hours this week. I'm getting more scared of labor but just hoping things go well for both of us. I've been feeling crampy the last couple of days, which I remember feeling in the days before having Westen. You never know, though - doctors are wrong sometimes, so who knows if it will really happen before 38 weeks! Westen has mentioned things a couple of times about thinking that I'll have her on the 6th or 7th. He's never changed it, so we'll see! I honestly feel like it will be between then and 38 weeks. It's a weird feeling knowing I could go into labor at any time. I have had a LOT of braxton hicks with this pregnancy, so already with those I've wondered when they're going to turn into real contractions and not stop. They've been getting a little stronger and more uncomfortable the past few days as well. I have everyone notified to keep their phones on, so we can get help with the kids when it does happen!

Alright, I better get back to my chemistry! Not much else to update on!

34 week appt, Last semester of pre-req's

Last week, I had my 34 week appointment. I hadn't gained any weight since I was there two weeks before! I was still at 26 lbs total for 34 weeks. They did my group B test, and they called me later with the results. It was negative, which means no antibiotics during labor! I'm still hoping for no IV (just a hep lock), so I can move around. I'm not sure if they'll let me or not, but this definitely helps! They also tested my blood for iron and things like that, and I haven't heard about that yet. I assume he'll talk to me about it at my next appointment if I don't hear anything before then. I go next week (at exactly 36 weeks) and then weekly from there! I can't believe it. She's still flipping all the time.. mostly just from my left side to head down and back. She actually hasn't been head down that I've known for most of this week. I really wish she would get into position! I also wonder what it is about me or my uterus that babies don't want to be head down- or at least not until the very end.

I also started classes a couple of weeks go. My chemistry class online was overwhelming at first. It takes a lot of time! Luckily I've devoted lots to it and I was already on week 3 while everyone else was on week 1. We can work at our own pace, so that's really nice. I'm hoping to get as much done as I can before the baby, so I can take a little break! I also started the second semester of A&P this past week, and I couldn't be happier with it. I switched teachers from last semester, and I just know it's going to make a world of difference! We don't even NEED our book at ALL (versus hours of looking over it, figuring out answers, etc), everything we need is on powerpoints the teacher has prepared ahead of time (versus going over a few select points during class & never having enough time) and study guides we get before the test, we can miss 5 classes with no penalty, our lowest test is dropped (or we don't even have to take one of them.. which is nice if one happens to fall when I'm having baby or in the hospital), we play an extra credit game before every test, and there are less labs and chapters this semester. It will work so much better with having the baby!

I'm getting all my application materials ready to send in for nursing school. I took the TEAS test and thankfully scored well above the needed score. I'd heard how hard it was and how the majority of people don't pass, so I was pretty nervous about it! Also took CPR again yesterday (I'd lost my old card, and it may have been expired anyway). I have my physical this week, so I should be able to get everything in by February 1st (hopefully!), so I can be in the first round of applicants decided upon.

Kid updates

Aeson has had some adorable things to say lately that I wanted to make sure to document! My favorite phrase of his right now is "tastes like licious!" He says this whenever he tastes something yummy, and I love how he just shortens it to "licious!" He also has continued telling Aubryn EVERY day that he misses her. In fact, the day before yesterday, he said "I miss you berry much, Aubryn." He also talks about how she can hear him and he can hear her too. I asked what she said yesterday, and he said "She loves me too!" We've been doing lots of talking about her coming out from my belly, coming home with us, and what it will be like. He seems to understand, and he seems to adore her already. :) I've also been fairly addicted to watching A Baby Story lately, and he watches it with me sometimes!

We also got my adorable baby boy's hair cut this week. We've only had it cut once before, and we didn't like it. We loved feeling his long-ish hair, but we were also sick of people not knowing if he was a boy or girl. I still haven't decided if I like it short, but maybe I'm just not used to it yet. He looks so much older with it too! It about made me cry seeing him no longer look like my baby!

Last week was pretty crazy with visiting the other schools in town. Westen didn't like the cheaper private school option we were hoping for, and we found it a little odd as well. He ended up LOVING the expensive one we sent him to for preschool. We honestly did too. The principal, the teachers, the secretary even.. Everyone there is just amazing. I loved the kindergarten room too. They don't do state testing, so there's not as much emphasis on desk/paper work. In fact, I'm not even sure if they had desks in there. We decided to try it out on Friday, and he's gone ever since. He has loved it too, and that's such a relief. He says how quickly it goes by ("It's like 10 minutes!!") and how good his days are ("gooder than good!"). They have a buddy system, so he has a buddy in 6th grade, and he likes that a lot. We just really couldn't be happier. Financially, it's going to be super hard. My mom just sold her house, so she's helping us out for the rest of this year, and then we're planning on saving tax return money and limiting things even more than we do. We really don't have another option. I got to the point where I just couldn't send him back to the public school. I'm very thankful to have another option and so thankful he's enjoying it.

I'm currently 34 1/2 weeks pregnant! Not much longer! I don't feel ready at ALL, and it freaks me out a little to think about the birth and bringing a third baby home! We finally got our first pack of disposable diapers and some wipes the other day. We still have a list of things we need to get, and we have yet to get started on the room! I'm honestly not sure if it will get done before she comes home or not! She won't be using it anyway, other than for changing and getting dressed, and we do have her changing table all set up. We also washed all the clothes and got them put away yesterday. I so wonder when she will decide to come!

School Issues

My poor Westen has had a rough start to his school career, and I am left with a very bad impression of our public schools. I'm not sure if I've written about it before or not (I'm guessing I have), but he has had several instances of kids being mean to him, even physically. Somehow there are never any teachers that intervene. It tends to happen at recess or lunch. Last week, he had several things happen to him in one day and then every day since then, he's come home with another story of kids being mean to him. He looks so broken down when he talks about it (frequently saying he doesn't want to talk about it at first), and it is SO hard on this momma! I was bullied for less than one year of school while I was in school, and it STILL affects me to this day. So when he talks about this, it just brings up all those feelings, and I would never, ever, ever want anyone to feel like that, especially my child. It has been so hard to continue to send him to school, not knowing what the other kids are going to say or do to him. I worry about him all day, and brace myself for what he's going to tell me when I pick him up. The first time I e-mailed his teacher right away, who forwarded it on to the principal, and I was called the next day. She explained that they had a lot of students who didn't go to preschool and didn't know how to play with other children, so they were looking at having a different recess period for those children if they could identify them. This time, I again e-mailed his teacher right away, and I still have not received an e-mail OR a phone call from anyone. (This happened last Wednesday, by the way) I'm just very unhappy with all of it.

Eric is too. We discussed what our options are. At first, I wished I could homeschool him, but I'm just not sure that's 'right' for us. I'm not disciplined enough, I'd like for him to be around other children more, and frankly, I just don't have the time. There are two other schools in town associated with churches. One is the one he attended for preschool, which he and we loved. He still plays with the kids from there, so I'm sure it would be an easy transition BUT there is just no way we can afford it. No possible way. The other option is half the price, so while things would definitely be even more tight, it would be possible. So far we've only heard good things, and we're going to visit on Wednesday. The principal offered for tomorrow when I called today, but we have a doctor's appointment. I'm anxious to go see! We'll find out more about the school and Westen will be able to sit in the class for a half hour or so to see what he thinks as well. I thought that was great, and the principal seemed really nice. I'm HOPING this is what we're looking for.

As problems have come up, I've talked to Westen about going to another school and he'd always been hesitant. He'd say sometimes people are nice to him, so he'd like to stay where he's at. By the end of last week, though, he said he "thinks it's time." :( He's very open to seeing the other school. Pray for us that things work out how they should!

***

I continue to feel SO guilty that I'm attending school. I know that it's for the best - I love that my children don't have to go to daycare and that I will be working (and making good money) in just a couple of years, but in the meantime, it's hard not to feel guilty when we struggle so much-- and when things like this come up, where we could pay for a better school if only I were working. I rely on my sister for babysitting too, and if she's unable, the only other person we possibly have is Eric's mom who doesn't live in town. My sister has had blood pressure problems in the past during pregnancy, and I'm becoming worried that I may not have a sitter for class. Not only that, but I am absolutely DREADING leaving Aeson and Aubryn in daycare in the fall if I get into nursing school. That's the main reason I'm considering a community college for my RN (versus the university, where I'd get my BSN) - It would be less classes and less time to find a babysitter for. Plus, once again, the money issue comes up. Sometimes, it just feels like you're doing the wrong thing even when you're completely trying to do what's best.

***

We have our final appointment with our midwife tomorrow, along with a sonogram. I'm excited to see how big our baby is, to make sure she's still a girl (haha!), and to see that everything looks well. Also to see what position she's in! I'm not sure anymore, because she's really taking up all of my stomach these days! The hiccups were low for a couple of days in a row, though, so *hopefully* she's head down. I'll be 33 weeks on Wednesday, and things are definitely getting harder. I feel odd after I pick Aeson up or bring laundry up from downstairs now. It's, of course, getting even more difficult to get down on the floor to pick up or clean things. Getting out of bed is definitely a chore! I also have heartburn most days. It's all definitely worth it, though! I'm not quite ready for her to come either! While I want to see her and all of this stuff isn't the most fun, I'm definitely going to miss her moving around in my belly AND I'm not quite ready for the sleep deprivation that I know will come along with her!

Aeson's been giving my belly kisses multiple times a day, saying "I miss you, Aubryn!" It's quite cute. :) He also hasn't nursed in months but all of a sudden wants to again! It's so strange! I feel bad that he wants the comfort, but so far he doesn't throw any fits about it - he just mentions it several times a day!

Well, the kids want to play computer games, so better let them at it!