Emotional third trimester!

I'm 31 weeks pregnant today! I'm actually feeling much better lately - not as much soreness and uncomfortableness. For the past couple of weeks, Aeson has gone back to his old self and has been reattached to me! He constantly tells me "I missed you bery much," even if I haven't been gone! He's always giving me kisses, rubbing my belly, talking to the baby (he says "Hi Aubryn!"-- and says her name really well too!), and coming in before he goes to sleep to cuddle with me. I love him being back to his cuddly self! Oh, and he's also started telling Aubryn he misses her, lol!

Westen loves talking to my belly too. The baby seems to love his voice and moves a bunch in response, which he in turn laughs at. I love watching him get so excited about it. They'll both be wonderful big brothers, I'm sure!

I think I've hit the super emotional phase of pregnancy! I'm constantly thinking about how much I love my boys, to the point of it making me cry! Part of that is probably just realizing that things will be changing soon, and I may not have as much time with them as I'd like. Part of it too is that since I'm getting closer to actually having the baby, I'm getting more scared. I've been watching A Baby Story a lot, and it seems like most people get scared of the birth, which is comforting to me.

I had an appointment with my midwife at 30 weeks. I'd gained 2 more pounds in the prior two weeks, leaving me at 23 so far. I'm actually really pretty proud of that amount, because that leaves me on target to gain 33 total (they estimate a pound a week) and with my other two, I gained over 50 with Westen and over 40 with Aeson! Everything else looked great, besides baby being sideways.

The day after my appointment, I ended up waking up with a sore throat throughout the night and it continued getting worse over Christmas weekend. My glands were really swollen and sore, and after Christmas, it progressed to having a fever and a horrible pressure headache. I also ended up vomiting on Christmas morning, which I have no idea if it was related or not. I was worried it was a stomach bug because that's been going around, but I was still wanting food and not at all nauseous or anything the rest of the day, so I figured it was just part of the pregnancy. Anyway, I called the office first thing Monday morning, because I could barely swallow my own saliva & had been taking Tylenol all weekend. The midwife was off for most of the week, but I got to see the OB there. He was very nice. He checked out the baby first and as soon as I laid back on the table, he said, "Geez, how big's this baby going to be?" I told him she'd been measuring ahead of where I am on sonos. You can tell exactly where she is when I lie down too - right where her head and butt are! He talked to me about transferring care and seemed irritated as well that my old office won't take me back. He said too that he wishes they could do them, and that's one of the things he's going to be revisiting at the next big meeting. He also thought I had sinusitis (strep test was negative) & called in a prescription for an antibiotic. I hate taking anything unless I absolutely have to, but at this point, it was getting too hard to try to take care of my family while being so sick. Between feeling unwell and the fever, I ended up crying when Eric had to leave for work (the kids actually ended up being REALLY good that day) and crying again the next day when I was talking to Kodak about my camera not working. Fever and pregnancy don't mix well! :)

I am very upset about my camera. I just bought a new one two months ago and it stopped working the day before Christmas for the SECOND time. Kodak says I have to send it in for repairs, but I don't want a repaired one when it has basically never worked properly & I bought it brand new! Luckily I was able to borrow a camera for Christmas morning, but I hate not being able to snap pictures of the kids when I want them, and I NEED one for the birth of our baby. I'm waiting to hear back from customer relations now.

It's been so hard being on a limited income while being pregnant. I want to give our baby girl the best and have the best for her, and it bothers me a lot when we can't. We're down to 9 weeks left, and we still have no crib, no dresser, no swing or bouncer, and her room hasn't even been painted. We can really make do without a crib or dresser, and even without the room being painted if we have to.. but I really, really feel like I need a swing, bouncer, and a sling in order to make my life easier and be able to take care of my other kids after. It's very hard to deal with, but it also reminds me why I'm going to school. Things might be hard now, but they'll be better than ever in a couple of years (I hope!).

It has been a very emotional week!

Finding a doctor

This doctor stuff has been an ordeal with this pregnancy! Since I've had a normal birth and a C-section only because the baby was breech, I'm a good candidate for a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). We attended our first appointment with the doctor I've had for both the boys. I have mixed feelings about their office and when he said he would do a VBAC but acted like it was a huge inconvenience (something I feel is MUCH less important than the health of mom & baby.. and hello, it's your job!), we decided to go to a midwife we'd heard wonderful things about. Went to our appointment there & found out they can't do VBAC's because insurance won't allow them to. She did do them for over 20 years and was very successful, but they were stopped from doing anymore because the insurance companies believed all the bigger hospitals weren't doing them & so they shouldn't be either. (This actually isn't true.. Most hospitals do do them, and there's only one other hospital close to us that I've found that DOESN'T)

Anyway, we still loved the midwife and the rest of the staff there, as well as their breastfeeding and family friendly OB department, so we really couldn't imagine going anywhere else after attending the appointment there. We talked to the midwife and she believed we should continue care there and then transfer care to our old doctor before the last month - She thought he would accept patients from other doctors as long as they weren't past 36 weeks. I'm sure she must've done it before to think this. Anyway, so that was the plan. AND she is more than willing to take us back if we'd end up going somewhere else & then have to have a C-section for whatever reason.

So that's how we proceeded and once I got to 30 weeks, I was getting nervous about where I'd be delivering. So far, baby's transverse, so I may very well end up having to have a C-section, but I'm trying everything I can to get baby to turn head down- and Westen was also transverse all the way up until 37 weeks, at which point they weren't sure if he was head down or not, and then by 38 weeks he was & my water broke that same night. So anyway, I'm trying not to get discouraged. I will have to be fine with a C-section if it's needed for some reason, but I'm not going to choose one just because. There is the scary risk of the uterus rupturing with a VBAC, but it is SO low, there are many more risks with C-sections (particularly repeat), and we just have to put our trust in the doctors and medical staff to take care of us if that should happen. I hope and pray it won't, but we've discussed it and discussed it and discussed it & that's what we feel is safest and best for all of us.

So anyway, our midwife scheduled a sonogram right around 33 weeks to see if baby's head down and to check other things, like if there's enough fluid for baby to turn easily, etc if she's not. She said to go ahead and call our old doctor since it can take a couple of weeks to get into him. I did so as soon as we got home, and they said they'd have to talk to the office manager before scheduling an appointment. I hadn't heard anything by the next day, so I called again, and this lady was quite rude and said there is a note in to the doctor to make sure but their policy is typically not to accept patients back who have left their practice.

I was a pretty big mess after that. I was envisioning myself with no doctor when it's time to give birth and not sure what I would do. I'm incredibly thankful for facebook pages, because I'm a member of several VBAC groups on there and have found out a lot since. Apparently, you can refuse to have a C-section, and if you're in labor, the hospital you go to has to take care of you until you've delivered. I really do not want to be in that position, and I don't want to cause any issues, but it's good to know too.

Like I said, there are lots of other hospitals around that do allow VBAC's. I was worried that I would have difficulty getting into other hospitals, though, being over 30 weeks pregnant. They're also not the most convenient since the closest is 45 minutes away. I really wasn't wanting that either, because it will make it more difficult for Eric to get back and forth to work, the boys and other family to visit, and you never know what the weather's going to be like. I guess we just won't be able to have everything perfect, though!

I ended up talking to a doctor's office whom we'd heard very good things about yesterday, and they seemed to have no issue at all with me coming there. She just said they'd want to see me as soon as possible instead of waiting until after the sono/last appointment with my midwife. So, we have an appointment there on Monday, and I'm anxious to see what the doctor says. Hopefully he's as wonderful as everyone has made him out to be!

I still haven't heard back from the old doctor, and honestly I'm not expecting to, nor am I sure we'd even want to go there after how we've been treated. We'll see if I would happen to hear they would take me back, but I really believe that won't be the case! Sometimes it stinks living in a small, rural town & not having many options!

So that's where we are right now. Hopefully I'll have time soon to update about my recent appointments and our Christmas!

28 Weeks

Earlier this week, my back started hurting.. and kept hurting. It was a crampy constant feeling, one I didn't remember having with either of my other kids. I was going to wait to see if it continued another day but then remembered it was my midwife's day off, so I called to ask about it & they wanted me to come in & get checked out. The weather was pretty crappy, and I did not want to go at all! I told her I really didn't want to unless I had to, and they said they'd feel more comfortable if I came in. They checked for a UTI or early labor, but neither seemed to be the case (thank goodness!). She thinks the baby is just lying a weird way, and she showed me some pictures and how it can affect the back. It continued hurting for a day or so after that but then went away.

The midwife went ahead & went over things as a regular appointment, so I was able to cancel the one for next week and reschedule for the week after. I'd gained NO weight over the last two weeks, which included Thanksgiving, so I thought that was pretty amazing! I'm really pretty happy with my weight gain overall so far. I've gained 21 lbs at 28 weeks pregnant. I know some people gain very little, but with my first I gained over 50 & with my second, I gained over 40. This one puts me on target for around 33.. If so, this will be my first time within the recommended range! I really credit that to knowing a WHOLE lot more about food and eating much healthier than I ever have before AND to all the walking we were able to do at the beginning of the pregnancy.

Everything else looked great and at first she thought the baby could be head down and in exactly the position I was thinking of... but then the heartbeat was very loud at the top of my stomach, so she wasn't sure. She said we'll schedule the sono at my next appointment, so it should be in about a month. I brought up how baby's can change position at any time, and she said that's true but that we could look at fluid and things like that to see if baby would be likely to turn or not. I did tell her that we've decided on trying for a VBAC. This means I'll have to leave their practice because they're not allowed to do them. We talked about the doctor that's closest to me and my concerns. She knows others who have had VBACs there and had great experiences. She also recommended having a doula, which I will have (and I do agree, it should definitely help!). The two main risk factors I've come across for uterine rupture are single versus double stitching during the c-section and where the placenta is lying. She wasn't sure what stitching I had but looked at my last sono and the placenta was up high, which is perfect.

On my way home, two people had wrecked- one had flipped completely over. There were tons of ambulances and police cars. I'm so thankful it wasn't me! It did make me think about the fact that anything can happen at any moment, though, and that while I'm scared of having a VBAC, I'd be scared of childbirth in any case, just as I have a certain amount of fear on any day that something could happen to any of us. I just have to believe what's meant to be will happen.

Aeson's changed his behavior recently about the pregnancy. He was always lovey and interested before, just like his brother, but now he doesn't want to talk about the baby, he doesn't want us looking at my tummy, etc. In looking back at prior diary entries, I saw that Westen began acting weird around this same point with Aeson's pregnancy (not wanting to ever be home!). They must sense that it's getting closer or something.

Completely unrelated, Westen's teacher made each child a chain as a countdown to Christmas and on each piece of the chain is a different activity to do. We've had a lot of fun doing them, and I really appreciate her taking the time to make it! Some of the things have included making a card for someone at school, making an ornament to hang in the window (we made snowflakes instead b/c they'd already painted ornaments a couple weeks ago), cleaning his room, and tonight we wrote a letter to Santa. He had me write all the things he wants and about all the times he's been good and bad! He said he thought Santa would bring him presents if he was honest! :)

Thanksgiving, Early Christmas activities

Right before Thanksgiving, we had my glucose test, full blood panel, and midwife appointment. My glucose & all blood work came back normal, so I was very happy about that. My iron was still a little low, and she said she'd just like to get it built up before the birth since so much blood is lost. We talked to her a lot about having a VBAC and uterine ruptures, without getting any real answers. They were questions that really aren't answerable, though.. Nobody knows what will happen until it does. I have been actively reading and corresponding with people about VBAC's, and we feel certain at this point that that's the way to go. We feel it's safest for baby and for me. I know anything could come up before then, though, so I'm not counting on anything- just hoping for the best!

Around Thanksgiving, we started looking for our Elf on the Shelf, Timmy. We could not find him ANYWHERE. Apparently we hid him so well last year (so the kids couldn't find him!) that we couldn't find him this year! We ended up finally finding him just the other day (in a place Eric had already looked at least twice :)). Westen loves having him around. He's been very well behaved and asks me to give Timmy daily behavior reports. Every morning, he jumps out of bed to find where Timmy's new spot is for the day. Aeson's been a little freaked out by him. The first couple of days, Aeson wouldn't look at Timmy & he even hid from him after seeing he moved on the second day! We'd watched a show on tv about the Elf on the Shelf, so I think Aeson really believes he's real and it freaks him out a little. :) I think he's getting more used to him now, though.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving. We'd had an early Christmas get together with Eric's dad's side of the family before Thanksgiving, since Eric's grandparents will be gone over Christmas. Then we had our Thanksgiving meal at Eric's parent's house, and everything was delicious. The kids were extremely well behaved, and it was just an enjoyable day.

That night, Eric, Aeson, and I braved Walmart for some of their deals. We got what we wanted and got out quickly. They were the busiest I've ever seen, but I think it's pretty fun. :) We got one of ten power wheel cars that Aeson wanted for Christmas, an art set for Westen, some dvd's for all the kids, a couple of play-dough sets, and a deep freeze that Eric's parents bought us for one of our Christmas presents. We also already got our other big present from them, which is a portable dishwasher. I am SO incredibly thankful for both! The dishwasher has been amazing. I can't believe how much time I save not having to do the dishes.. and how nice it is not to have to worry about dishes in my sink, standing there doing them, etc! I've never had a dishwasher before, so I'm pretty much in love! We also got groceries for the first time today since getting the deep freeze & it was nice to not have to worry about how much would fit in our freezer! Hopefully we won't have to grocery shop as much. :) I'm planning on making up some meals and things to put in it over Christmas break for when the baby comes. My sister got me a recipe book full of freezer recipes for the my birthday, so I'm excited to do that. I'm excited to just have the TIME to cook and bake and prepare!

We got the baby a changing table this weekend. Aeson broke the one we had by jumping on it, and luckily we were able to find a very cute one on a used website. We still have a crib, dresser, mamaroo (swing), and a sling to buy. Probably along with some more clothes and cloth diapers. Seems like a lot! We're getting there, though.

Yesterday, we went to Dickens On The Square. The kids got to see Santa and tell him what they wanted (Westen a Nintendo 3DS and Aeson said "toys"!). We took Westen to the children's shopping mall, where he got to pick out gifts for us. He wanted to buy for everyone, but we just didn't have enough money for everyone in our families. It will be cute to see what he picked out! They had some activities the kids did, and then we rode in a horse drawn carriage around the square, which both kids loved!

Today, Eric and I pretty much finished our Christmas shopping! The kids spent the afternoon with his parents, while we rushed around everywhere & then came home to wrap everything. I'm very sore and ready for bed! Tomorrow starts my last week of actual classes.. then all I have left is finals!

Birth Choices

I honestly love being pregnant. I love bringing babies into this world and watching them grow, teaching them the best that I can. I've always wanted as many kids as I could have.. but now, I'm wondering if this might be our last. It makes me terribly sad to say that, and I hope that years down the road we can still have at least one more, but as the birth gets closer, I get more and more worried.

My options for birth are a repeat C-section or a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). While I believe the c-section with Aeson was meant to be (there was a knot in the cord that could have tightened while trying to move him into a head down position, which would have cut off his oxygen supply), I really wish I'd never had to have one so I didn't have to worry about these two options.

C-sections are risky, just like any other surgery. There's risk of cutting other organs, cutting the baby, infection, blood loss, higher rates of baby having breathing problems, etc. I would never choose to have any surgery if I could at all help it. My c-section with Aeson left me sore for a long, long time afterwards, and I even still get sore from time to time. I also hate that the baby is taken immediately away from you, and you don't get to see them for an hour. I don't believe that's the way it should be or a good beginning. Not to mention, I'm going to be going to school when I have the baby and really can't afford to take weeks off. There's a longer hospital stay, and you're not allowed to drive for 2 weeks after. C-sections also get more risky the more you have.

So, I thought that VBAC was my choice. As I've gone through the pregnancy, though, it seems as though stories continue to pop up about people choosing to have a c-section and having a 'window' in their uterus that the baby can be seen through- something that may mean it would have ruptured during a VBAC, and they were lucky they chose a repeat c-section. I have, however, also read and been told that women who do successfully have a VBAC may also have that window and it never ruptures. With a VBAC, there really aren't any big risks (like the extensive list with a c-section) but the ONE big risk is your uterus rupturing. This is estimated to be less than 1 in 100 (versus each of the risks of a c-section being 1-2 in 100); however, the effects can be horrible. It can lead to a hysterectomy, baby's death (or long-term consequences b/c baby is cut off from oxygen and everything until they can get mom to surgery and get baby out), or even maternal death. I made the mistake of reading VBAC stories that had gone wrong the other day, and they were so, so sad and so, so scary. So while there's less of a chance of something happening, if something DID happen, it could obviously be much worse.

So how in the world do you make a decision between those two things? I keep trying not to worry about it. Our determining factor was going to be the sonogram that we'll be getting around 34 weeks. Baby's been breech or transverse so far, so if she stays that way, we'll have to go with c-section. If she goes head down, we'd be able to try for a VBAC. My chiropractor is planning on starting to do the Webster technique around 28 weeks, which basically makes sure everything's in place so baby can move head down if she wants to. So anyway, I guess I'm just hoping that the sonogram will be the deciding factor for us and whichever way that is will be the right way.

Who knew pregnancy and childbirth could be so scary! :(

Christmas tree, classes, baby girl things

We put up our Christmas tree this past weekend! Can you believe it?! It's the earliest we've ever put it up! Eric had the weekend off work, though, which is an unusual occurrence, so we figured we better take advantage of it. It's a little strange, because it's been almost 70 degrees here! Very nice for mid-November! The kids have loved having it up. Westen turns the lights on every evening and off every morning. Aeson enjoys taking the ornaments off the tree AND taking our stockings down! Westen REALLY wanted to have colored lights and a star on top (we usually have white lights and a ribbon on top), so we let him pick those out. We had fun putting it up, but I admit it did feel pretty weird with it not even being Thanksgiving yet!

We're wrapping up the end of the semester! We've lost about half the class in A&P - most dropped after the last test. I think there are 13 of us left.. and I believe only 8 are getting a C or above. I'm THANKFULLY getting a 96% right now. It has been a LOT of work, but it IS really interesting. I've learned all sorts of things about the body. The body really is amazing! Chemistry has not been near as bad as I thought it would be. Our teacher is so sweet and kind, and she really makes things much easier than they would be in any other class, I'm sure! My other two classes have been online, which is nice not to have to go to class, but they have added a LOT of extra work. Nutrition was actually really interesting, but there's no way I can remember all that stuff! Lifespan was really a waste of time b/c I'd already taken the class 6 years ago but had to retake it b/c it had been over 5 years.. grr! I have been so lucky that I've felt really well during this semester. I've only missed one chemistry class (on Halloween- to take the kids trick-or-treating) & had to leave one A&P class a little early. Both teachers let me make up everything without missing any points. I do homework constantly, but I just hope it will be worth it in the end! There's a general test (TEAS) you have to take as part of your application for nursing school, and I really need to get that done. It's hard to find the time for anything extra!

We went to a holiday bazaar this past weekend, and I bought more girly things. I certainly hope baby's a girl, or I'm going to be out a lot of money! :) I bought a pair of adorable pink baby legs and some really nice burp cloths a lady makes. We have the bassinet already next to the bed, and it is FILLED with baby things. We REALLY need to get a dresser. I also go very lucky and a friend (who's a photographer) was selling all her headbands, flowers, and hats, and I got a great deal on all of those! I'm super thankful for the 'for sale in' sites on facebook, because I've so far gotten ALL the clothes from there & they're super cheap & you can't even tell they've been used! I'm anxious to start on the bedroom.. hopefully during Christmas break.

Aeson had his sonogram and bloodwork last week, and he did SO great. He took a toy with him and played with that while they did the sono. He got a little whiny at the end but I think he was just sick of lying there. They only had to stick him once for the bloodwork, and he didn't even do anything until after they took the needle out and he said "owww." I hate that he has to go through this, but he's such a strong boy. While we were there, I realized that when he's due for it all again, I'm not sure I'll be taking him because that's when baby will be due! The three months between always go by SO fast, so it was quite a shock realizing that! Oh, and excellent news was that his AFP level was back down to normal - SUCH a relief! Sono came back normal too!

Changing Bedrooms

Did I never update about my last sonogram?! I was just looking back, and I don't think I did! All looked well with it, which is a relief, and baby still appears to be a girl! The sonogram tech said you would definitely see it if it was a boy, but she said she thinks saving receipts is always a good idea. I just feel like you can't know for sure when they say it's a girl. With a boy, if it's there, it's there! But when they say girl, maybe they just aren't getting a good angle or who knows. I've known people who have been told wrong, so it makes me nervous! I have been buying girl stuff since then. We've got quite the collection of clothes already. I was going to sell our boy clothes for the extra money, but now I'm not sure if I should or not!

We switched bedrooms in preparation for baby last week. We'd gotten all of Westen's things out of his room and Eric worked hard on it, scraping wallpaper, sanding, and finally painting it. While all this was going on, we had all three beds in our bedroom! The kids loved it, and I have to admit I liked having them close too! After the room was ready, we moved all of our things in there and put both the boys beds and toys in our (old) room. We both really like how it turned out. It definitely has a much better feel! Now Aeson's old room is ready to prepare for baby girl!

Aeson's really done very well with the change too. The first night, I think he only got up once. The nights after, he was up several times. Then the night before last, he slept ALL night in his bed... but then last night came in several times before I was too tired and let him sleep with us. I never get any sleep when I let him, though, so I'm going to have to just get up, no matter how tired I am! Good news is even when he has gotten up, there have been no tears, and he goes back to bed easily. I'm sure he'll get used to it soon. He's actually doing far better than I thought he would.

We don't have long left in school! A week and a half until Thanksgiving Break & then only 3 weeks after that. I've really surprised myself with how well I've been able to do going full-time. I hadn't done that since having babies, so I was unsure! A&P has been the hardest but also the most interesting class. We just had our second test, and unfortunately over half the class is failing the class. Apparently that's normal with A&P! Luckily, I'm getting an A. I've worked very hard for that A, though! We have a couple big projects coming up in other classes, so I'm definitely looking forward to the breaks. I'll be glad to be done with the stress for a little while!